Death, the Devil, and the Goldfish Read Online Free PDF Page A

fact that he'd be fired on the spot, professionally humiliated, and discharged in disgrace from his position if the truth were ever revealed. True, he would be a great loss to the department; true, he'd miss the job; and looking back, he should probably just have forgotten about gambling altogether, but he couldn't. It was too much fun, it gave him a rush, and he was, plainly and simply, addicted. Dealing with psychopaths and general loonies day in and day out simply wasn't enough to occupy his mind. Tracking down serial killers was almost a mundane task to Nigel. But pulling down that handle and watching the fruit spin, that was truly an awesome life-fulfilling experience. Hitting just one more time to see how close he could actually get to twenty-one without busting, that was a pure thrill. Watching the ball go around and around at the roulette table, mind-blowing.
    Another bird flew by, and the thought briefly entered its mind that London may not be the best place for it to be living. Too many strange folk. This same bird was later crushed by a man sitting on a desk. But for now, it began to make plans to move to a warmer climate where people didn't hang off buildings quite as much. Maybe Greece, or it had been told that Venice was nice at this time of year.
    Itch paced back and forth along the edge of the building. Itch was short and chubby but had a mean streak that stretched for a mile. Some days, two miles.
    "So," Itch said, "how does it feel to be hanging upside down off the edge of a building, detective?"
    "Quite refreshing, thank you for asking," replied Nigel. "I've been a bit on the sluggish side these past few days and these last couple of minutes have been a real eye-opener. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart."
    Nigel grinned and attempted to continue remaining calm by placing his hands in his suit pockets, something that looked more awkward than calm. A gentle breeze caused Nigel to sway ever so slightly.
    Big Ernie decided he should put his two cents in.
    "You're behind on your payments, my friend!" he said. Big Ernie wasn't all that smart, so Itch compiled a list of menacing one-liners that he could blurt out at the customers anytime he felt the need.
    Nigel tried to adjust himself a little and straightened his tie.
    "Yes, I realize that, and I promise I'll have the money to you by Sunday at the latest."
    "Is that the best you can come up with?" said Itch. "You owe me a total of fifty thousand pounds! If you don't have the money right now, how do you expect to get it before Sunday?"
    "It'd be in your best interest to pay us," said Big Ernie.
    "Yes, I realize that, Big Ernie, thanks for reminding me. The way I see things, you have two options. The first would be to have Ernie here—"
    "Big Ernie," corrected Big Ernie.
    "Yes, sorry, Big Ernie, absolutely. Like I was saying, the first would be to have Big Ernie here let go of me and see whether or not I can figure out how to defy gravity in under three seconds."
    The wind picked up a little more, causing Nigel to sway and Big Ernie to switch arms.
    "The second option, and the one I highly recommend, is that you don't drop me off this rather tall building, and you let me live at least until Sunday so that you can get the money that you are owed."
    Itch stopped pacing. "And how exactly do you plan to obtain this money, as I have it on good authority that you are completely broke and don't have a penny to your name?"
    Nigel brushed a speck of non-existent dust off the lapel of his jacket and looked up at Itch.
    "That's hardly your concern, is it? You see, all that matters to you is that you have the money, all fifty thousand pounds, in your hands by Sunday. If, for example, I didn't happen to have your money by Sunday, you would then be free to fling me off any building you like. Now, if I were an Australian flying squirrel, getting flung off a building of any sort would be quite all right as I could just glide my furry little body to safety,