Speak Its Name: A Trilogy Read Online Free PDF Page A

affection mingled with desire, and now he was more frightened than words could possibly describe.
    Hugo pulled away from the by now frenzied kissing, holding Edward’s face between his hands and breathing hard. “You have no idea where this might lead. I swear I didn’t hear a word of the sermon in chapel this morning. I just spent the whole time praying not to be led into temptation this day, and in your room temptation comes in droves. If I kiss you again, I’ll want to touch you, and if I touch you, I’ll want to take you to my bed. Do you understand that? Do you understand what would happen there? And afterwards there wouldn’t be any happiness left, just hatred of each other and what we let happen here. I don’t ever want to hate you, Edward.” Hugo shook with emotion.
    “But couldn’t we stay with this?” Edward’s fingers traced the lines of his friend’s mouth—Hugo shut his eyes and breathed in the smells of coffee and cake that arose from those hands. “I’d be content with kisses, with lying in your arms.”
    “You might be, but I can’t trust myself, Edward. Not to stop at just a kiss.”
    “Then what are we to do?” Edward’s fingers left Hugo’s mouth, moved down over chin and neck, rested over his heart. “I can’t lose you, not now.”
    Hugo shook his head, ruefully. “Could you be content with just my friendship? Would you come to that cricket match and just drink champagne and talk with me? If all kissing were forbidden, would you still want not to lose me?”
    Edward thought for a long while, his face etched with pain and worry and looking ten years older than it had by the river. “If the choice was that or not to have you at all, I would settle for it.” He tightened his grip on Hugo’s jacket, as if he would never let it go.
    “And would you still be saying that in a year’s time? In five years?” He lightly caressed Edward’s hand, trying to memorise how it felt, in case he was never able to repeat the experience.
    Edward moved his hand up from Hugo’s chest, found his face again and looked into his eyes for what seemed an eternity. “I don’t know, but then I can’t predict whether in a year’s time we would still even like each other. Maybe by then we’ll have ceased all contact, or perhaps you might even be in my bed and happy with it. I’ve only known you for a few days Hugo, that’s all, and if it takes another year to reach another kiss, then so be it. I’ve waited all my life, I have patience enough.”
    Hugo smiled, a real smile this time, a surge of relief filling his heart. “You might need all that patience. I have no idea when or even if I’ll lose these feelings.”
    Edward took his hand, squeezed it gently, let it fall. “All I ask is to have the chance of being with you when you do.” They sat together, hardly touching and didn’t speak again until the college clock struck one, although all thoughts of lunch had flown away. Hugo took his leave—he really did have work to do—with a fond ruffle of Edward’s dark locks and a promise to meet at hall that evening.
    ~
    Edward closed the door behind him, then rested his brow against the cool wood, pretending it was resting against Hugo’s head. At last he understood. His family bred dogs and he’d known all the mechanics of the breeding process since he was a lad, but the whining of the bitches in heat, the near uncontrollable behaviour of the dogs who came to serve them, had been an absolute mystery. Now he knew what it all meant. He burned with desire for Hugo, and it was too cruel, to have found such a fondness within his grasp and then have it snatched away. He’d have to wait what seemed an age until the man would let him come near again. Assuming he was ever given another chance.
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Chapter Three
    The Easter vacation was looming on the horizon, horribly near for Edward, who preferred even his lonely life in college to the tense and repressive atmosphere of home. He met Hugo