Speak Its Name: A Trilogy Read Online Free PDF Page B

indeed.”
    Edward noted the “we” and felt a pang of jealousy at the other man’s obvious delight at time spent with his nearest and dearest. “You look well.”
    “Did you expect me to be a mass of spots or something, like my poor nephew with German measles?” Hugo cuffed his friend’s arm. “And you look as if the break has done you the power of good.”
    It was a lie. Edward knew that. He was paler than he’d been, as if he’d hardly ventured out the last four weeks and when he caught himself in the mirror, a tired face looked out. “It did,” Edward lied in return, “but I’m pleased to be back here. More than pleased.” He held Hugo’s eye for a just a moment too long, then immediately regretted it. It had been so very easy to write long letters that were filled with hidden meaning, spending happy hours in his bedroom carefully constructing them line by line, filling each word and phrase with veiled allusions. It had been an intellectual as well as a romantic exercise, satisfying on many levels. And it had been safe. With seventy miles between them, he couldn’t lead Hugo astray, there could be no touches to regret, no kisses to feel guilty about.
    Now a yard of courtyard separated them and the danger of the situation became clear again. Edward had made extravagant promises to Hugo in good faith— I’ll wait a year for another kiss —like he was some poor hero in a storybook, and these had all been easy to keep during the back end of the previous term. Now a combination of separation and correspondence had made both hearts grow fonder and they couldn’t bear the thought of being no more than friends. The hero’s promise seemed like some miraculous quest now, hardly to be attempted, let alone achievable.
    “Will you be in hall later?” Hugo broke the awkward silence with a stupid question. Of course every member of Cranmer would be expected to come to hall tonight unless he was in the sick bay. The Warden of Cranmer would be addressing the college and would as usual be reflecting on the sacrifices made by the students of past years, a favourite theme and one which had become increasing poignant in the last few years.
    “Indeed. Would you...?” Edward left the question unfinished, suddenly unsure of his words, wanting simply to say sit next to me but feeling too shy to utter the phrase.
    “Join you at table?” Hugo seemed to be struggling to wrest his words out. “I would. If the Warden is going to wax lyrical, I would appreciate your comments on his speech afterwards.”
    Edward looked keenly at his friend, as if he was expecting some sign that Hugo was making fun of him, but the remark seemed genuine enough. “Perhaps we could have a drink beforehand? I have a bottle or two in my room.”
    “I’m sorry, I can’t. Time’s on short commons today. We’ll meet at dinner.” He held out his hand for it to be shaken, to agree the arrangements, turned and departed, leaving Edward wondering whether he’d ever have to open the bottle of sherry and port he’d lugged up to his rooms. He heaved a huge sigh and set off for his desk and a book about inorganic chemistry he would find comfort in until dinner time.
    ~
    Hugo almost ran back to his rooms, a great gobbet of guilt stuck in his throat. It was plain that the time Edward had spent with his family hadn’t benefited him. He’d have been far better off spending the holiday, or at least part of it, in Hampshire. He cursed, again, the moral cowardice that wrapped him up in such chains of guilt and fear that he couldn’t have offered this friend some simple hospitality. And now he couldn’t even accept an invitation to a drink because it brought such danger. They hadn’t been alone in a private place together, after dark, since they’d kissed, and Hugo didn’t feel confident enough in his own powers of self-control to risk it now.
    He knew Edward would have seen his blatant lie about lack of time for what it was and suspected he would