history, art. Heâd talked about going on to study archaeology or history; heâd talked about becoming a classics professor himself. Heâd talked about law school and following his fatherâs path.
Lydia was proud of his wide interests. She was proud that heâd moved into regions that were unknown to her, mastering knowledge that would never be hers. This was one of the delights of being a parent, wasnât it? Watching your children stride steadily past, outstripping you, knowing that they were carrying on the life of the familyâwhatever it was, the essence, genes, some kind of tribal presenceâinto another region, one that was distant, rich, remote. Astrophysics, intellectual property, ancient Greece: places where her mind would never go would be explored by her children.
Lydia waited, ready to applaud Conradâs decision. This was like unwrapping a present.
âIâm joining the Marines,â Conrad said. His arms were crossed like a barricade across his chest.
Marshall sat up straight and carefully folded the paper closed. His eyes were pale and intent, like a benevolent hawkâs.
âThe Marines?â Lydia said, stunned. Her mind went blank. âThe real ones?â she asked stupidly. She had no idea what she meant. She tried to think what exactly they were. Why were they called that, marine ? What connection did they have to the sea? Why did they wear those white gloves?
âThe real ones.â Conrad looked from one to the other.
âWell,â Marshall said soberly. âThatâs quite a decision.â
âWhen do you go?â asked Lydia.
âRight after school, this summer, Iâll go to officersâ training school at Quantico,â Conrad said. âNext year, after graduation, Iâll go in for good.â
âQuantico,â Lydia repeated, mystified. For good? How could it be good?
âThatâs where the training school for officers is,â Conrad said. âItâs in Virginia.â There was pride in his voice: another shock for Lydia. He was proud of this.
âTell us more, Con.â Marshall folded his hands on top of the paper. âTell us why youâve decided on this.â
âSo, I want to do something big. I donât want to just go into some graduate school and get another degree. I want to do something that has consequences. This is the biggest challenge I know,â said Conrad. âI want to see if I can do it.â
Marshall nodded. âI can understand that.â
Lydia looked at him, betrayed. Marshall had nearly gone to jail for protesting the war: How could he suddenly understand this strange martial urge? The wish to join the Marines.
All of it bewildered Lydia: the pride in Conradâs voice, the understanding in Marshallâs. Suddenly she was confused and excluded. This was something the two of them seemed to have been sharing all along, a private language she didnât speak. Sheâd thought theyâd all shared the same world, but they had not. Her son, her husband: Where had they been leading this secret life? The one that only they knew about.
âThis is a big change, isnât it,â she asked, âfrom majoring in classics?â
She tried to sound supportive and interested instead of appalled and frightened. Conrad was an intellectual; how could he choose to enter a totalitarian system? And he was compassionate. She remembered him as a child, coming into the kitchen and carrying a tiny wounded rabbit, soft in his hands, bright-eyed and desperate. Rabbits, chipmunks, snakesâConrad was the one who tried to save them all. Saving had been his mission. Why would he now choose a world of violence and killing?
And anyway, werenât the Marines a last resortâfor misfits, people who were so violent and misanthropic they couldnât function in the outside world? Werenât they for someone who needed a rigid iron rule to suppress