SM 101: A Realistic Introduction Read Online Free PDF Page B

psychotherapy? Maybe. Maybe not. Let’s explore this further.
    First, if someone is either physically or mentally suffering (and I don’t mean the special, erotic “suffering” experienced during consensual SM play; I mean real suffering) then they should get help. Many people suffer years of guilt and self-loathing because of their SM desires.
    Second, psychotherapy with an SM-interested person should begin with both patient and therapist understanding that SM desires do not automatically indicate pathology. (See the Resource Guide for more information on finding such a therapist.)
    Third, both therapist and patient should understand that even if an underlying cause of the SM desires is discovered and cured (and I believe this is both possible and beneficial for some people), the person might still find SM an exciting and intense form of erotic play.
    Fourth, both need to understand that sexual arousal is not “rational,” at least in terms of how we usually define rationality, and differs from person to person.
    Having reached those understandings, how might psychotherapist and patient proceed?
I need to feel really heavy pain about every six weeks or so, or I get really bitchy.
     
    If you’re feeling that you might harm someone. One of the first things to consider is whether or not the patient is likely to harm or kill another person, or to seek out someone willing to harm or kill them. (I’ve heard of people who wanted to die but were unwilling to kill themselves seeking out the SM community hoping to find someone who would oblige them.)
    I want to speak to the reader who feels it likely they will do something nonconsensual and damaging.
    When somebody hurts us, we have a natural urge to hurt back. This urge is built into us and is a good thing. It discourages contemptible bullies (and there are millions of them in this world) from thinking they can hurt us with no fear of negative consequences. Everybody has the right of self-defense. Almost all anger has a rational origin.
    However, one person shouldn’t be punished for something another person did to you. If you have an angry desire to hurt somebody who has done you no harm, or, especially, to damage them beyond their ability to self-heal, then I believe it’s in your own best interests to suspect that “old stuff” is going on regarding someone in your past. The same goes if you find yourself overreacting when somebody harms you or people you care about.
    I say to you that it’s unlikely you will find peace of mind until you resolve things with the person who originally hurt you. I further say to you that such resolution is possible, even if the person who hurt you is dead or otherwise irreversibly gone from your life.
    People get raped, abused, molested, battered, neglected, and abandoned, and all too often by those people who should have been kindest to them. This is horrible and tragic, but it’s possible, with time and a good therapist, to heal these wounds. For everyone’s sake, most especially yours, please get help.
    I’ve spent time in therapy, and sometimes I’ve felt afraid to let go of thoughts and feelings I’ve held. But I’ve learned to trust the “therapeutic fall.” You must choose the time, conditions, and therapist carefully or you can be further hurt; but if everything is sound, letting go of old stuff allows better, healthier thoughts and feelings to emerge. Those wonderful results entirely justify taking an intelligently chosen risk.
Some people were put on this earth to be slaves. They’re unhappy if they’re not a slave, and they’ll keep searching until they find someplace where they can be one.
     
    If you’re feeling that you might harm yourself. While I’m not a mental health expert, I dealt with many suicidal people during my days as an ambulance crewman. In addition, I spent many hours as a trained volunteer on a suicide hot line. (I’ve also considered suicide myself during some dark periods of my past life.) So