SM 101: A Realistic Introduction Read Online Free PDF

the violent abuser “rationalizations” for their behavior, perhaps especially if the victim is a woman. Statements such as “Deep down inside, she really likes it,” or “She’ll learn to like it,” or “She deserves it,” are dangerous.
    I don’t think people oppose SM. I think people oppose cruelty, and rightfully so. We in the SM community need to clarify that no connection exists between SM and cruelty.
    The psychology of masochism. How could anybody experience pain as erotically arousing? That question stumps many people when they consider SM.
    Most of us have been in powerful, dominant positions a few times. We remember how enjoyable that felt (in, perhaps, a slightly dark way), so we believe we feel some empathy for the dominant. Most of us have at least once felt angry with someone and lashed out at them. We remember how satisfying that felt, so we believe we feel some empathy for the sadist. Most of us have felt confused and overburdened at times, and wanted to turn responsibility for running things over to a competent caretaker, so we believe we feel some empathy for the submissive. But the masochist? The person who actively enjoys feeling pain? That creature confounds us.
    Frankly, I don’t understand masochists all that well myself. I have enjoyed playing submissive, but I almost never enjoy receiving pain. If my dominant wants to whip me, or otherwise give me pain, I’ll strive to accept it with grace because I want to please them but, beyond the mildest levels, pain doesn’t arouse me.
    Masochists, on the other hand, seem to have a different type of nervous system than the rest of us have. Levels of pain that would traumatize other people send them into ecstatic orbit. They love it, and want more.
    I must emphasize one point: Masochists feel very particular about the pain they enjoy. It must be felt only under controlled, consensual circumstances. They experience the pain of an auto accident, punch in the face, bee sting, or similar treatment exactly like the rest of us, and dislike it just as much. You are not free to walk up to a masochist and slap them. Such behavior is nonconsensual, nonerotic, and illegal. A good dominant administers pain as carefully as a surgeon cuts. You act the same.
    What’s going on inside a masochist’s mind? Possibly something important. People who respond deeply to erotic pain have a range of response that needs closer analysis. Reactions occur in them in response to erotic pain that we cannot satisfactorily explain based on simple intensity. Furthermore, these reactions cannot be fully explained by the “jaded” theory: the theory that these people are burned out on regular sex, and thus need this extra-intense stimulation to feel aroused; masochists seem to enjoy conventional sexual sensation as much as anybody else.
    Many masochists report entering an altered state of consciousness. If they feel safe and secure about their situation and the people they’re with, they relax and surrender to an astonishing degree. They sometimes enter a mental state where the blows no longer feel unpleasant. One reported that the blows from a heavy wooden paddle felt like gentle drops of welcome, warm rain falling on a far-away part of his body. Masochists seem to have states of consciousness in common with yogis, fakirs, and other people who follow altered-consciousness pathways. I’ve heard talk of the intricacies of the nervous system, of endorphins and enkephalins.
    One thing is certain: The old theories “explaining” masochism solely in terms of conventional western psychopathology, while no doubt true for some people, completely fail to answer the questions raised by examining these ecstatic masochists. I have seen people have out-of-body experiences while being whipped or otherwise erotically tortured. Something important is happening here, and if we insist that we already understand it, we will miss a major learning opportunity.
    Should people with SM fantasies seek