Sleep Peacefully Read Online Free PDF

I fell to my knees
on the pavement and cried for the first time since learning of her death. It’s almost
as though my head had suddenly communicated a withheld message to my heart,
which had instantly split it in two. That's the last time I would see her.
Everything felt so final at that point and it was too much to handle.
    The
funeral the next day was beautiful. It affirmed to us all how popular and loved
my sister had been. It was such a rough day, I sometimes wonder how the family
had managed to muster up the strength to stick through. It’s amazing where the
bravery comes from when a tragedy you never imagined happening strikes as it
did. Matt had been so strong. He had lost not only his wife, but his best
friend. He was a rock for all of us throughout the whole day, putting his own
grief to the side to ensure we were all coping.
    The
service was held in a small chapel near where we grew up. There were so many
people there. The crowds flooded out of the chapel, continuing right up to the
iron gates at the grounds entrance. Jess had been buried next to our dad’s
grave, who we had lost five years earlier. Both had been awash with beautiful
flowers spilling out over them. I had been hoping that the funeral would bring
me some closure, but when the dreams began that night I knew that closure was
going to be a long way off.
     
    I
make myself a milky mug of hot chocolate and head to the conservatory. The room
looks out through the glass panels of the structure over our large garden,
which tonight looks cold, soggy and uninviting. I crawl onto the sofa, pulling
a fleeced blanket over me, and try again to clear my mind that is still
flashing through cliff top images from my dream. I switch on a small lamp on
the table near me. It quickly illuminates one side of the room, the rest
remains shrouded in darkness. A strong smell lingers in the air. I glance
around and see that it’s coming from the lilies that sit in an attractive
arrangement in a glass vase on the table beside me.

 
    We
have lived in this house for six years now, and I know that I am lucky. Our
house is large, and located in a very sought-after part of town. It sits
entirely in its own grounds, overlooking the rolling hills of the countryside.
However, it’s still merely a half hour drive to the city centre. It’s strange;
I used to love living in the city so much when I was younger but now I couldn’t
conceive of anything worse. I enjoy the peace and quiet here. Although it’s
quite remote, it never feels totally isolated from civilization. I love this
house, and I can’t envisage myself being anywhere else and honestly calling it
home.
    A
creak on the wooden floorboards interrupts my thoughts. I look towards the
kitchen where Dan stands beside the large island at its heart, fixing himself a
drink. He quickly appears in the doorway near where I sit. His chest is bare,
he’s wearing only a pair of blue and white striped lounge pants. He yawns,
stretching, then glances at the clock on the wall nearby as he leans against
the door frame and rubs at his eyes in an effort to wake himself up. I silently
pat the space next to me on the sofa, and he sits down.
    “You
have the dream again?” he asks in a voice still laced with sleep. I nod back,
drawing my knees towards my chest and gripping them tightly. These late night
talks have become a regular occurrence lately. I feel so guilty that Dan feels
he has to console me every time the dream comes back. He softly rubs at my bare
knee and moves closer.
    “The
doctor did say that it might take a while, hun,” he offers. I nod once more, my
eyes filling up with tears.
    “I
know,” I whisper.
     
    I
had gone to see Dr Peterson a month after Jess died. The dreams came almost
every night in those days. It was constantly the same dream, over and over,
night after night, entering my rest and boring relentlessly into my mind. I was
both physically and mentally exhausted. I knew that I had no other option than
to