Shattered Hart Read Online Free PDF Page A

December and the nights are cooler, but it turned out to be the perfect night to get the fireplace going and eat outdoors. As usual the conversation flows easily , and the evening air is filled with the sounds of laughter.
    Sitting back, I enjoy the dynamic of us all together.  As fucked up as my childhood was, I can never be sad about the family that I do have.  My happiest moments are always with the people at this table. 
    Sometimes it overwhelms me that , in such a short amount of time , I’ve added Brooke and Sabrina to the list of people I consider family.   Obviously , the most overwhelming part of that revolves around my feelings for Brooke.  Every time I see or speak to her , I am pulled to her more .   Even her faults are endearing. 
    To say that it’ s terrifying is an understatement.  I’ve never had any strong emotional attachment to a woman before.  My sex life consists of easily forgettable women who, like me, do n’ t want a commitment. I’ve always viewed sex as a highly enjoyable and entirely necessary form of release that never involves emotion .  I instinctively know that would not be the case with her .   She turns me inside out in such a way that I’d probably do something ridiculous like shed a tear if I ever got to be inside of her.
    With Brooke , everything is different.  I look forward to talking to her . I crave the sound of he r voice. I need to be near her.  I get fucking butterflies in my stomach when I touch her. Me, with butterfli es! If someone had told me eight months ago that I’d ever have butterflies over a girl, I’d have laughed in their face at the absurdity of that statement. 
    It ’ s a daily struggle to keep these feelings inside.  Brooke is so goddamn beautiful , and so real , that I’ m constantly trying to regain my equilibrium .   It ’ s a real conundrum, and at this point I know that I’m falling in love with Brooke , if I’m not there already.   I can never be with her the way I want to , but I can’ t stand to be away from her either .
    My thoughts come to a halt when I feel her look across the table at me.  Before I have time to mask my reaction , I look up and meet her eyes.  Just like the first night I met her, I immediately feel like all of the oxygen has rushed from my body.  The only difference is that this time I can see that she feels something too.  She feels it!  She wants me too! I’m giddy at the thought. We stay locked in that moment, the seconds passing between us in silence. 
    The bubble I’m in bursts when I remember that I don’t deserve someone like Brooke, and I never will.  If I only ever do one thing in my life that is entir ely honorable where a woman is concerned , it will be keeping Brooke safe from my bullshit.  With that depressing thought , I shift my eyes to my Aunt Sandra and try to ignore the insistent pulse of awareness t hat exists between Brooke and me.  

CHAPTER F IVE
     
    As usual , dinner has been terrific .  I feel as though I heal a bit more each week as we all sit at the table as a family.   Each month when I go to the cemetery to visit my parent ’ s grave , I thank them for bringing the Hart family to Sabrina and me. 
    Meeting t hem was the turn in the road that saved us both from continued isolation, and I like to t hink that I see my parent’s handiwork in the arrival of the Hart family into the lives of Sabrina and me .  I want to believe that they are still looking out for my sister and me , still making sure that we have what we need.  There is nothing that can ever change how desperately I wish my parents were still here, nothing that could ever make me forget that they were taken from me long before they should have been.  But , f or the first time in a long time , I am genuinely looking forward to the future and seeing things positively. 
    One of the biggest reasons for my happiness is Damien.  When I’m with him , I feel all lit up , inside and out.   He brings such a