Sexual Perversity in Chicago and the Duck Variations Read Online Free PDF Page B

I'm late, and I'm having some troubles with my chick (this chick I've been seeing) and I push the button and the elevator doesn't come, and it doesn't come, and it doesn't come, so I lean back and I kick the shit out of it three or four times (I was really hot). And he, he puts his arm around my shoulder and he calms me down and he says, “Dan, Dan . . . don't go looking for affection from inanimate objects.” (Pause.) Huh? (Pause.) So I don't want to hear you badmouthing Bernie Litko.

    DAN and DEB in bed late at night , DEB is sleeping .
    DANNY : Deborah. Deb? Deb? You up?
    Pause.
    You sleeping?
    Pause.
    I can't sleep.
    Pause .
    You asleep?
    Pause .
    Huh?
    Pause .
    You sleeping, Deb?
    Pause.
    What are you thinking about?
    Pause .
    Deb?
    Pause .
    Did I wake you up?

    A movie theatre . DAN and BERNARD are watching a pornographic movie .
    BERNIE : Don't tell me that's that guy's joint. Whatever you do don't tell me that. That's not his joint. Tell me it's not his joint, Dan.
    DANNY : It's his joint.
    BERNIE : I don't want to hear it.
    DANNY : That's what it is.
    BERNIE : I don't want to hear it, so don't tell it to me. Nobody is hung like that. If that's his joint I'm going to go home and blow my brains out.
    DANNY : He probably used a stand-in. (Pause.)
    BERNIE : I can't stand this. I can't fucking stand this. Lookit that broad!
    DANNY : Which one?
    BERNIE : Which one? The one she looks a little bit like whatsername.
    DANNY : Like Deborah?
    BERNIE : Yeah.
    DANNY : Which one is that?
    BERNIE : That one.
    DANNY : You think she looks like Deborah?
    BERNIE : Yeah. You see what I mean?
    DANNY : No. You think she's pretty?
    BERNIE : Pretty? What the fuck are you talking about? (Pause.) You know this fucking house has changed.
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : I mean, they still got the guys jerkin’ off under the Trib in the front row . . .
    DANNY : World's Greatest Newspaper.
    BERNIE : . . . but they got a lot of scum in here now. Wait, now. Wait. Do you see that. Will you look at the fucking that?
    DANNY : What?
    BERNIE : That break in the action . . . they shifted scenes . . . where they changed the camera angle . . . you know why they do that? You know why? Because the guy came is why, and they shift angles and wait a while so it looks like he's fucking for hours. You see that?
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : These guys got no control. (Pause.) What was I saying?
    DANNY : How the house has changed.
    BERNIE : They got a lot of scum in here now. DO YOU SEE THAT? DO YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT? (Pause.) A woman blowing a man's natural. A woman blowing a dog's disgusting. (Pause.) Yeah, that's what I think, and I'm not ashamed to say it!

    DAN and DEB at their apartment. In the midst of an all-night argument .
    DEBORAH : Oh, shut up.
    DANNY : I should shut up? Who's talking for the last twelve hours straight, huh?
    DEBORAH motions him away in disgust .
    DANNY : . .. blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Jesus. Some people go home with the Tribune. You go home with me. Everything's fine. Sex, talk, life, everything. Until you want to get “closer,” to get “better.” Do you know what the fuck you want?
    Push. You push me.
    Why can't you just see it for what it is?
    DEBORAH : What?
    DANNY : Us.
    DEBORAH : And what is it?
    DANNY : What it is, no more, no less.
    DEBORAH : And what is that?
    DANNY : Don't give me this. Don't give me that look, Missy.
    DEBORAH : Or you're gonna what?
    DANNY : I don't mind physical violence. I just can't stand emotional violence. (Pause.) I'm sorry. I'm sorry Deb. (Pause.) I forget who I'm talking to. I'm sorry. You're very good for me. Come here. (Pause.) Come here.
    DEBORAH : No. You come here for christ's fucking sake. You want comfort, come get comfort. What am I, your toaster?
    DANNY : Cunt.
    DEBORAH : That's very good. “Cunt,” good. Get it out. Let it all out.
    DANNY : You cunt.
    DEBORAH : We've established that.
    DANNY : I try.
    DEBORAH : You try and try. You are misunderstood and