Set Sail for Murder Read Online Free PDF

that we didn’t rehearse. A gazillion apologies. I figured we’d do the same shtick we did at UCLA last year: tell stories, let the audience ask questions, and kill ‘em with funny answers. Then we run home and pop a cork.”
    Arnie said, “I’m not putting up with Laura the way I used to. If she dares to step on my punch lines again …”
    Tommy added, “After all these decades, she still remembers the best behind-the-scenes anecdotes about our old sketches, but instead of feeding me intros, she tells the stories herself. A simple straight line to lead me in to tellingabout that day when all of the Polly Pepper Prancers couldn’t leave the bathrooms. That story is golden. It’s my story!”
    “Actually, it’s my story,” Polly said. “What a disaster! I’m sure it’s what finally killed dear ol’ Fred Astaire. He never recovered from having to waltz with Laura on camera after rehearsing all week with real dancers.”
    “That’s a perfect example of how Laura steals the spotlight,” Arnie snapped.
    Tommy gave Polly a hard look. “To this day, whenever I run into any of those dancers, they insist that it was Laura who spiked their enchiladas at lunchtime.”
    “I hear that the plumbing in the studio’s bathrooms never functioned properly again!” Arnie said.
    “Every single one of those dancers still talks about wanting to die that day,” Tommy continued, “but they had a stronger will to live, in order to kill Laura Crawford for depriving them of their once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to dance with the great Astaire! That little publicity whore made sure she had Fred all to herself.”
    “Sticks and stones!” The voice of Laura Crawford issued through the backstage area as she ambled up to her former cast mates. She looked at Tommy, then at Arnie. “Stop churning up the past, for cryin’ out loud. I’m a more mature person than I was when we worked together. I’ve learned a lot of life lessons the hard way, from watching
Oprah.
I realize now that I could sometimes be a pain in the backside for a few people. But let’s start fresh. Please?”
    “Absolutely! Fresh!” Polly chimed in.
    Tommy and Arnie looked at Laura with contempt.
    As the cast assembled and prepared for their entrance, the stage manager asked if anyone needed something stronger than water before they stepped before the audience.
    “Hey!” Laura barked, “Are you insulting Miss Pepper? The stories about her blood components being equal parts plasma and champagne are totally false!”
    The stage manager held up his hands to guard himselfagainst Laura’s vitriol. “It was just an offer. No offense intended, ma’am,’ he said, looking at Polly.
    “None taken, Sweetums.” Polly smiled, and touched her hand to his warm cheek. “Laura was just looking out for me. Like the time she brought her entire AA meeting to Pepper Plantation, unannounced. She thought I had a problem. I had to borrow extra cans of coffee from Dean Martin across the street.” Then, as an aside to the stage manager, Polly whispered, “I could use a teeny-weensy flute of anything that sparkles. Something medicinal.”
    The stage manager winked at her and rushed into one of the dressing rooms. He returned with a split of André champagne. Upon seeing the label, Polly’s smile disappeared. “On second thought, I’ll just have water,” she said. “The audience is the only intoxication I require,” she said with her famous wide smile. “On with the show!”
    The stage manager lined the cast up in order of their entrances. “You’ll go out boy/girl, boy/Polly,” he said, placing Tommy in first position, followed by Laura and Arnie. “I’ll announce your names and one by one you each walk out with great big Kool Krooz smiles. Bow and wave to the audience. Pretend that they’re your guests. You’re honored to have them in your homes. Then, when I introduce Polly Pepper, join the audience in a rousing ovation. After the crowd settles down, each of