Selby's Shemozzle Read Online Free PDF

Will it float?’
    â€˜No, no — a launch is just a party they have when a book is published. This launch is going to be at the Bogusville Bijou Theatre and I’ve been asked to talk about the book.’
    â€˜I’ve never heard of the author.’
    â€˜She lives in the city, but she came to Bogusville once and loved it. She said that we’re warm and friendly people.’
    â€˜Well, that’s true.’
    â€˜There are going to be newspaper, radio and TV people from all around the world at the launch because Fiona is going to bring her talking cat with her.’
    â€˜She is?’ Selby thought. ‘A
real
talking cat?’
    â€˜She is?’ Dr Trifle asked. ‘Is that possible?’
    â€˜I don’t think so,’ said Mrs Trifle. ‘I suspect she just said it to get the press to come along. When the cat doesn’t talk Fiona will say thatSylvia is just too shy today. She’ll say, “What’s wrong, Sylvia, has the cat got your tongue?” and make a joke of it.’
    â€˜Or maybe,’ Dr Trifle added, ‘she’ll say that Sylvia can’t talk right now because her throat’s sore from talking too much.’
    â€˜It doesn’t really matter,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘It’s just a bit of harmless fun to get publicity for the book.’
    As soon as the Trifles were out of the house, Selby picked up the copy of
Sylvia’s Secret.
    â€˜Harmless fun, my paw,’ he thought. ‘The woman’s a copier. And that cat is a copycat cat. She’s just trying to get the kids to read her books instead of mine!’
    Selby opened the book to a scribbly page at the beginning. It said:
    Hi, my gorgeous and cute little readers. Guess who is writing these words? It’s me, and — would you believe it? — I’m a cat! A real, live honest-to-goodness talking and reading and writing cat. My owner, the wonderful and beautiful Fiona, and I have been keeping it a secret that I know how to talk. I tell her my stories and shewrites them down. But you’re allowed to know — just you.
    I’ve had lots of great adventures and they’re all in this book. But my best times are when Fiona makes me my favourite food — prawns cooked with cashew nuts — and we just sit around watching DVDs and talking. Happy reading from your favourite little kitty witty, Sylvia.
    â€˜What a rip-off!’ Selby said. ‘And I’ll bet the stories are rubbish. They’re just made-up stories, not like my
real
ones.’
    Selby read the first story. In it Sylvia went on a bus trip by herself wearing her disguise, a cat suit.
    â€˜That was a good one,’ Selby admitted. ‘I liked the bit where someone stepped on the tail of the cat suit and it ripped open and nearly gave away her secret.’
    In the next story Sylvia drove a tank and almost started a war. And in the third one Sylvia took cooking lessons but she burnt the toast and the building caught fire.
    â€˜Hey, that last one was really funny. I loved the way she had them throw custard pies on thefire to put it out. This little kitty witty is a very witty little kitty. The book may be a rip-off but at least it’s a good rip-off.’
    Selby read on till he’d finished the book.
    â€˜The best story of all,’ he thought, ‘was the one where she feels lonely and she falls in love with another cat — only it turns out to be a robot cat. Poor Sylvia. That really made my little heart go pitter-patter. She sounds lovely.’
    Selby lay there trying to imagine what it would be like if Sylvia lived with him and the Trifles.
    â€˜We could keep it a secret and only talk when they were out of the house,’ he thought, ‘or when we went on long walks together. And we could listen to my
The Screaming Mimis
CD and watch the DVD of
Hearthwarm Heath.
Hey, and I could teach her salsa dancing! It’s so sad that she’s not real.’