Seeking Her Read Online Free PDF Page A

than two weeks until I would hit that milestone. If I were back home, I’d be getting my one-year chip, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this would be any easier if I had it now to squeeze in my fist.
    But I didn’t have that chip. And I hadn’t yet made it to one year. Sweat was beading on my fucking forehead just from the determination it took to keep myself in the chair instead of searching out a drink. The smell of whiskey wafting up from my drenched shirt sure as hell wasn’t helping.
    I pressed my knuckles into my forehead hard, and then sat back, staring up at the ceiling. I watched the moving lights that flashed neon colors around the room and tried to clear my head.
    Alcohol had been my crutch for a long time. It had practically raised me when my parents weren’t around to do the job. Stepping away from my dysfunctional liquid family hadn’t been easy. It had taken a war, a new family, and daily reminders of the thin line between life and death for me to beat it.
    Here, I was alone, and exposed in a way that I hadn’t allowed myself to be in a long time.
    “Damn it,” I groaned under my breath.
    I could do this. I just needed to redirect all this energy into something else. Something active was usually best.
    My eyes found Kelsey again on the dance floor. Unbidden, the thought rose that she would make an ideal distraction.
    Immediately, I shut that down.
    I was not trading one bad decision for another. Besides, she was the one who’d gotten me in this mess to start with. If alcohol sent me off the rails, then Kelsey was likely to send me off a cliff.
    I just . . . I needed to get out of here.
    Yes, I was supposed to protect her and that didn’t include leaving her in this massive crowd. But I wouldn’t be any help to her if I caved and had a drink.
    The best thing for both of us right now was for me to get some distance.

 
    4
    H ALFWAY BACK TO the inn, I realized I was practically stomping my way home. My teeth had been clenched so tight that my entire head ached. I was pissed. Pissed that I was even in this situation, that Kelsey wasn’t who I’d expected her to be.
    Sure, I hadn’t relished the idea of following her to museums or plays or whatever, but that would have been better than this. Better than risking my precariously balanced life so she could party it up like a high school kid.
    God, I was a fucking killjoy without alcohol. What I wouldn’t give to be as carefree as Kelsey. Angry seemed to by my primary emotion these days. How had Rodriguez and the other guys put up with me?
    A misplaced smile cracked across my lips. They hadn’t, that’s how. They’d never had any problem telling me when I was being a pain in the ass.
    My skin flashed hot and then cold with the memory of my old unit. Still much more bitter than sweet.
    There was a military ban on alcohol for much of the time I’d spent in Afghanistan, but it happened anyway. I kept clear of it for the most part, but one night, I’m not even sure how, I ended up with a bottle in my hand. Rodriguez found me, took it away, and then used it for firing practice.
    He told me that I had the unfortunate problem of fighting two wars at once, and I’d find myself losing them both if I wasn’t careful.
    I wished he were here to talk me down now.
    But he wasn’t.
    And that was another war within me, too.
    I settled for stepping into the shower in my room, still fully clothed. I let the water weigh down the fabric, hopefully removing all traces of the alcohol that had been spilled on me. When I was satisfied, I shucked the heavy material and hung my clothes up on a hand rail on the tiled wall. Then I stood under the steaming water and tried to wash away the thoughts too. I closed my eyes and let the water pour over my face.
    I was going to have to find some way to cope with this. If not, I was better off calling Mr. Summers and suggesting he find someone else to take over his daughter-watch.
    I felt a pang of something at that thought.