Secrets and Lies 7 (The Ferro Family) (Secrets & Lies) Read Online Free PDF Page B

making a moral decision that will cause him to resent me for the rest of his life. Then I can bang Josh to get over Nate. And we’ve come full circle for needing a random hookup to get over a guy.
    Perfect.

CHAPTER 7
    I sit in class thinking until my head hurts. I feel Carter’s glare on the side of my face, but when I look at him, he turns away. I wasn’t with Nate last night as far as Carter knows. I kept the Fitbit on, and the only anomalies in my data were my heart rate being sky high. It didn’t record movement since Nate had my wrists pinned most of the time. Carter probably thinks I’m stressed. He knows I was in the art building, and that’s it. I need to ditch this stupid thing without Carter knowing about it.
    I have no idea how to do that. The rest of the day crawls by and, around three, I’m headed across campus when I run into Josh. He’s alone, head down, hair covering his eyes. I stop in front of him. “Hey.”
    He looks up, startled. He yanks a pair of earbuds from his ears and grins at me. “Hey, didn’t see you there.”
    “Wow, a smile. Am I forgiven?”
    He tips his head to the side. “No, but I’m sick of being mad at you.” He starts to walk away, but I grab his wrist. Butterflies whisper inside my stomach, and I let go. The way he looks at my hand makes me think he noticed too.
    “Beth forgave me.”
    “Good for you.”
    “Did you talk to her?” I’m about to give up and walk away when he answers.
    “Yeah, she said I had her permission to nail you. Isn’t that nice? Kid sisters are so thoughtful.” His caustic tone matches the smile on his face. He starts to walk past me, but I grab his elbow and whirl him around.
    “I’ve had enough of your super PMS, Josh. Either we’re friends, or we’re not.” He stares at me. I glance to the side, annoyed, and let out a huff. I raise my hand, press my palm to his forehead, and shove.
    “Hey! What was that for?” He swats me away.
    “For being an asshole. I don’t care who you were or what you did before. I already told you that. If you don’t condemn me, I won’t condemn you.” I fold my arms over my chest and try not to tap my foot.
    “You haven't done anything wrong.”
    “You don’t know that. I have, and it’s bad. Take me or leave me, but I’m not doing this bitchfest with you anymore.”
    He studies me, trying to figure out if I’m telling the truth. When he decides I am, he seems impressed. “Kerry Hill, you hooker, you. Did you cheat on someone? Hook up with a married man?”
    Part of that is technically true. I shrug. “Rebound guy.”
    He flinches. “I told you to stay away from him. You nailed him?”
    I hide my face and feel squeamish. “Maybe, and then I kissed you. Beth went nuts, and here we are.”
    “I kissed you, so you didn’t cheat.”
    “I didn’t push you away.”
    He doesn’t refute my statement or smile. It’s a fact neither of us wants to touch, lying between us like a carcass smeared on the pavement. Josh kicks the toe of his Italian loafers at the clay, moving a rock with the point of the shoe. “Is it serious? With him?”
    Glancing away, I shrug and confess, “I don’t know what I want.”
    His head bobs up and down like he understands. “I hear you.”
    “Do you?” I’ve got my feet planted in front of him and wonder what I’m saying. He’s going to think I want to be with him. Maybe I do, a little. Maybe I want to know what being with Josh would be like mainly so I can figure out what the hell I feel for Nate. That makes me a little insane. I should know how I feel, but I don’t. Since I got here, my life has been in a tailspin. Everything I thought I knew went flying out the window, and I'm still riding out the turbulence. The post-impact aftershocks have me acting like a PTSD victim. I walked away from a full crash and burn without a mark. Guilt lingers within me, making me feel directionless, like I don’t know fact from fiction anymore. I wouldn’t recognize love if it