Death at the Wheel Read Online Free PDF Page A

mind.
    "Oh, but isn't your brother planning to—" she began.
    "I don't know. We've never discussed it." I couldn't stomach a discussion of Michael and Sonia and children. It was too revolting. "What about life insurance?" I asked, steering the conversation back to finance.
    She blinked and put the napkin back in her lap. "I know he was well insured. Because of the girls, he was always careful about that... only it will be awhile before we see any of it, especially if..." She trailed off, thinking better of what she'd been going to say. "I guess I'm going to have to get a job... only finding someone to care for the girls... and Emma's so clingy... and I haven't worked since I was married... Cal didn't like... I just don't know... I don't know how to begin. Resumes, want ads, work clothes."
    "It's too soon for you to think about things like that," I said. "Give yourself some time." The waiter brought our food and two glasses of seltzer with lime.
    "I know... but..." She picked up her fork, rearranged the food, and set it back down again, leaving the food uneaten.
    "The bills... the girls... the house. And I find the financial stuff so confusing." She stared at me, wide-eyed and helpless. "I don't even know how much money he made."
    "That will all be in your tax returns... and there must be some kind of pay statements. What about his boss at the bank? I'm sure he can help you out."
    Her voice dropped to a whisper and her eyes dropped to her plate. "I don't think he would... he didn't... I don't think he liked Cal very much."
    "His boss?" She nodded.
    That was the way things went all through dinner. Julie expressed her fears, I offered advice, she offered confusion. I'd chosen a place where the food was great and I was scarfing it down with gusto. Julie's portion was rearranged, that was all. "You've got to eat," I said, knowing I hadn't eaten for weeks after David's death. "It takes strength to deal with all this stuff."
    She dropped her fork into the untouched food. "I can't. Can we get out of here? I'm too restless to sit still."
    "Why don't you take it home? You might get hungry later."
    "I couldn't... can't... it makes me sick...." She shook her head, pushed back her chair, and half ran from the room.
    I paid the check and joined her in a haphazard stroll around the mall. I'm not much of a shopper. Too impatient and besides, when you're a tall woman, nothing fits. When you have a big chest, nothing fits. When you have long arms, nothing fits. I have a nice, womanly body, and clothes shopping makes me feel like a freak. My partner, Suzanne, buys most of my clothes. If she sees something while she's shopping, it appears on my desk. Not so much, since marriage and the baby, but enough to keep me covered.
    I drifted in Julie's wake through the natural cosmetics store and the expensive lingerie store and through the door of Barneys, where the simplest little shirt is an investment, not a purchase. Julie's fluttering white hands drifted over the luxurious fabrics like a pair of doves, plucking an ice-blue silk jacket and skirt off the rack, and selecting a matching blouse, with the assurance of a born shopper. The clothes she held were so tiny they wouldn't have covered my elbow. Carrie's clothes had been like that. Laughably small. "I'm going to try these on," she said.
    I cooled my heels, studying expensive hair ornaments, until she appeared again wearing the clothes. The price tags added up to about the same as my monthly mortgage payment. She looked like a million dollars and I told her so. "I think I'll get the outfit," she said. "If I'm going to work, I'll need some clothes."
    "But you were just saying you didn't know how you'd pay your bills," I said.
    She shrugged. "So this will be another bill I don't know how to pay, won't it?" She headed for the dressing room, hesitated, and turned back. "Don't be mad at me, Thea. I need something... right now... to cheer me up. I... it's so hard. You understand, don't you?"
    I