Secret Letters Read Online Free PDF Page A

telling me that he’s proud of someone that he doesn’t truly know.”
    I knew that I had gone too far even before the last word had left my mouth when I saw Adelaide’s eyes harden over with hurt.
    “Dora, I’m supposed to be an example, a model of virtue, don’t you understand?” she cried. “Not just to him, but to everyone around me. Don’t you know how hard it was for me to admit this shame even to you? Do you know how many times I’ve regretted telling you?”
    I smiled. “Why? Because I’m the one always getting into scrapes? Really, Adelaide, you’ve spent most of your life defending me. At least let me show you now that I haven’t forgotten that. Trust me just a little, and tell me why you’re so terrified of a couple of ancient love letters.”
    “I cannot ,” she said miserably. “Just believe me when I tell you—Richard will leave me if he reads them. I’m certain that he will. Oh, Dora, you know how much I love my husband. And maybe one day you’ll understand what I’m saying to you now. I hope that one day you will meet someone whom you will care for more than anyone. And you’ll want him to honor and respect you—and to see only the best side of you. When that day comes you’ll understand exactly why I’m so afraid right now.”
    I did not believe what she was saying. My cousin had always been a model lady—the one whom I was meant to imitate and admire. And I had tried to follow her example, as best I could. But did I want my own life to turn out like hers, to become some desperate and elaborate charade? I was already tired of pretending sweetness and innocence in front of Adelaide and my aunt. And yet now it seemed that I would be expected to pretend forever, even in front of my future husband. Just like my cousin was doing now—and just like my mother had done until she died.
    “Adelaide, you know I’ll stand by you just the same, even if I don’t understand,” I told her finally. “I only wish that you had more faith in me.”
    “I do have faith in you,” she replied miserably. “If I didn’t, do you think I would have confided in you? But I should never have dragged you into this sordid business in the first place. You should be practicing your dancing lessons and thinking about dinner parties and receptions, not blackmail threats.”
    “But that’s exactly what I want to think about!” I blurted out. “You must know that about me.”
    I’d said the wrong thing again; I saw Adelaide’s eyes cloud over and her figure tense.
    “I’m glad to hear that my troubles are entertaining for you,” she remarked coldly.
    “Oh—No, that isn’t what I meant—”
    “No, I understand you now,” she interrupted bitterly. “You’ve been waiting for a chance to show off your little hobby, haven’t you? All those months collecting bits of cigar ash, analyzing footprints, and tracking homeless kittens through the snow ‘for practice’? Tell me honestly, Dora, was my problem just another exercise for you?”
    I would have reassured her, for I could feel that she wasn’t truly angry at me, that she was simply frightened and vulnerable. But somehow I couldn’t find the words just then; I was suddenly exhausted. I wanted the comfort of my pillow, the darkness of the sheets over my head. And I didn’t want to listen to this speech about my “hobby” anymore. I had heard it so many times before. My odd behavior, my hopes, my studies, they were all so strange , so alien to everyone I loved. And they all agreed that I ought to change: my aunt, my pastor, even my dearest cousin, everyone except—
    Except—
    “I met a boy outside,” I told her quietly. “He handed me this card and invited you to call. Do as you please, Adelaide. I am going back to bed.”
    I opened up my purse, threw the card onto the table, and left the room, shutting the door behind me.

 
    D ORA .” I think I answered her, but my voice was muffled by my comforter, and all she heard was