Second Chances Read Online Free PDF Page A

Blythe, you should be here. Why was I so blind?
    Finally I said, “I feel like myself again.” And then I couldn’t help but clarify, “No thanks to you.”
    Jackson’s mouth twisted a little. He said, “I truly am sorry about everything, Joelle.”
    â€œHow long?” I asked then, watching him intently.
    He knew exactly what I meant, and a deep sigh came through with his response as he admitted, “Since she started.”
    I turned away, still stung at being cheated upon for all those years. I said, “I knew it, you know.”
    â€œI knew you did, after a while,” he said, his voice just as quiet as mine now was. “And I hated that you didn’t do anything about it.”
    I spun around to gape at him. Realizing how I must look, I snapped my jaw shut.
    â€œYou could have shown me you cared that I was messing around,” he explained, his eyes boring into mine with a mixture of hurt and anger.
    I was too stunned to reply. Was this a petty, retaliatory way of trying to make this my fault?
    â€œAfter the first few times I didn’t even feel guilty anymore,” he said, as though he was in a confessional booth. I wanted him to stop, but somehow the words wouldn’t come to me. He seemed to take my silence as permission to continue. “And when you caught us last Christmas, I was actually relieved. But I am sorry you had to…you know…”
    â€œWatch you fucking another woman?” I whispered then, bitterness in my throat. “Yes, that was so… relieving .”
    â€œDammit, I’m trying to be honest with you, Jo,” he said. “I am truly sorry about that.”
    â€œWill she be good to the girls? Because I’ll kill her,” I said then, and he rolled his eyes at me.
    â€œShe wants kids of our own,” he said. “She’s only 27.”
    I let that one go. After a moment Jackie asked, “What about Milla? Ben Utley’s little brother is the father? She won’t tell me anything.”
    This was slightly safer territory and certainly something we needed to discuss. When Jackson scooted over and indicated that I should sit beside him by tilting his head, I did. Again it was a bizarre sensation; where once I would have tucked myself against his side, I now sat stiff and slightly uncomfortable with the proximity of our thighs.
    â€œYes, and he’s a little bastard,” I said.
    Jackie actually laughed and I sensed him shaking his head, though I kept my gaze over the water. He added, “I should probably go and have a come-to-Jesus talk with him. Joan told me the kid plans to go back to college this fall as though nothing happened.”
    I was still incensed over this. “He won’t even talk to us. And Camille won’t tell me how she really feels. I do know she was totally smitten with him this summer.” Again, I was overwhelmed by my own culpability. I heard myself admit, “I should have been watching her more closely. I blame myself.”
    Jackie surprised me by snorting. “Hell, Jo, she’s 17. You can’t guard her every move.”
    â€œI know,” I said, but my heart still ached for our oldest, whose life would never be the same. We knew that better than anyone, I guess. “But Camille…”
    â€œI know, her whole world is different now,” Jackie said. “I’m glad she’s got your family. I don’t know how I would handle a pregnant kid in the house.” I knew it. At least he was being honest. He turned to face me and added softly, “Hey, no matter what I will always be there for our girls. Even if you live in Landon. You know that right?”
    I sighed and braved a look back at him. I said honestly, “I know, Jackie.”
    â€œHow has she been feeling?” he asked.
    â€œShe’s just been sleeping all the time now,” I told him. “But she won’t talk to me either. She keeps everything so close