Scarred (Lost Series Book 2) Read Online Free PDF Page A

be prepared. Training right now was as much about giving me time to get things planned as it was learning what to do.
    “I’m not ready yet.”
    “Yes, that is true, but is not because you are not a fighter,” Pavel told me. He got up and pulled me with him until I was standing. He placed a fingertip to my forehead.
    “It’s up here. Most don’t kill because they want to, or like to. They kill because they have to. It’s in the mind. Do you want them dead more than they want to be alive? Will your will beat them?”
    I saw Ethan on the edge of my vision, coming out of his office. He headed out of the gym without once looking up at me. It made me feel... I wasn’t sure. Did I like the feeling of his eyes on me? Could I even afford to have his attention? I didn’t know, but I would owe him for all of this, and his refusal to claim something set me on edge. I made plenty of offers, even of myself, but he ignored them as he ignored me.
    “That darkness is not yours, malyutka.”
    “How’d he get like that, then?”
    “Some is not my business to tell, and more I will never know. But, it started with regret. He regretted killing his friend and when he went to prison, he was looking for death. He wanted to be punished for what he’d done. He let them punish him, River. Over and over. And yet his fight, his pride, didn’t let him fall. He always fought back in the end. It didn’t matter how much they tore him down, he wouldn’t stay there.”
    “So he impressed someone then, and they eased up?”
    “No, malyutka. They pushed harder, until he had no choice but to take the first life. And then, he impressed someone.”
    “A Russian,” I said, thinking some of what was on the internet may have been true.
    Pavel shrugged. “I’m Russian, sure, and there are others around him that are. He is impressive to us, yes.”
    Pavel told me to run again. I understood a wall when I saw one, but a bit of what he told me was enlightening to the enigmatic monster who now held my life in his hands. Ethan had been weak once too, with all the strength of the ring. With everything that he’d known. There had been others who were strong enough to beat him and he’d fallen beneath them. I wondered how horrible his time at Wandsworth Prison was and what happened.
    “You’re done for the day; think about what I told you,” Pavel called to me.
    I’m sure I would. It was on my mind as I headed to the house behind the gym. It wasn’t huge, the size of the warehouse enclosing the gym hid it from view on the main street. The only way to get to it was through a door in the back of Ethan’s personal area in the gym. It was then enclosed by privacy fences with barbed wire, security cameras and lights, and two guard dogs. It had taken weeks of dealing with them before the dogs would let me by. And only if I spoke the code phrase that kept them from attacking.
    The massive Rottweilers scared the shit out of me.
    “Legko,” I said to Sasha and Vlad as I passed them. They laid back down on the front porch and ignored me. Inside, I took off my shoes in the foyer and passed by the living room, dining room, and large kitchen to get to the stairs. Ethan’s room was to the right, the master suite, and Pavel used the room next to it when he was there. My room was to the left, with my own bathroom across from it.
    After a quick shower I fired up my laptop and found my way into the life of my most recent fascination. For three months I lived in his home and hadn’t spoken much to him. I didn’t know him, and he didn’t know me. He didn’t care about my history, but I tried to devour his. I wanted to know what made him tick; what gave him the strength he had. Some days I could convince myself it was research into who I wanted to be, but most days I couldn’t lie to myself.
    Ethan Kendall tempted me.
    No matter how irrational it was, I found him a broken spirit that was pieced together with bad shit, but he could be healed. He could be