Santa Claus Read Online Free PDF Page B

Dewar’s.
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    Life ain’t fair,
    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    Why does the Easter Bunny give us candy but we have to leave you cookies? That doesn’t seem fair and mom says we have to be fair. Dad too.
    Annabel, AGE 5

    Dear Annabel,
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    If there’s any lesson I can impart to you it would be that life isn’t fair. While I applaud your parents’ efforts to instill a sense of fairness in you, it really is a lost cause. As you get older, you’ll find that the brown-nosers in your class get good grades with little effort while your perfect papers are only good enough for B’s. In college, your whore-ish roommate will marry a millionaire while you date a pizza delivery boy. When you graduate, the incompetent ass-kisser who is hired the same day as you will ultimately become your boss. Through all of this, you’ll whine that “it’s not fair!”
    It’s not very well publicized, but the Easter Bunny is fully subsidized by the American Egg Producers Association. I make and deliver toys to millions of children every year, free of charge. If you don’t think it’s fair that I enjoy a few cookies for my efforts, then screw you.
    I hope you’re getting something good from the Easter Bunny this year, ‘cause you’re not getting jack from me.
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    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    I’d like to know some things. How do you fit in the chimney’s?
    And if we don’t have a chimney how do you get in.
    And some of the things I wan’t is wrestling figures or other things. Suprise me
    PS: Hope you like the cookie’s
    From
Austin
Merry Christmas

    Dear Austin,
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    It’s never good to ask someone to surprise (as opposed to suprise) you unless you truly would be happy with anything you get, ranging from a West Hollywood Ken doll to a bucket of used hypodermic needles. Based on your one stated request for “wrestling figures,” I’m guessing that you’d be disappointed in any kind of toy that requires intelligence or imagination to use. That eliminates a huge percentage of the toys on the market. I will try to do my best, though. My research has shown me that of the little boys who ask for “wrestling figures,” 45% of them are future drug-using sociopaths, and another 45% are latent homosexuals. The remaining 10% are drug-using latent homosexual sociopaths.
    I hope you enjoy your Ken doll AND your bucket of used hypodermic needles.
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    Your Best Buddy,
    SANTA

Hi Santa,
    My sister is making me leave out oatmeal cookies for you even though they are gross. You probably like chocolate chip cookies better. I’ll try to put some of them on the plate too. please don’t put me on the bad list, just my sister.
    Looking out for you,
kevyn

    Dear Kevyn,
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    You’re absolutely correct. Oatmeal cookies are disgusting. The only thing worse are oatmeal cookies with raisins. At first glance, they look like oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips, and you think to yourself, well, at least these oatmeal cookies have chocolate chips . Then you pick one up and take a bite only to realize that they’re really RAISINS! It’s a joke of the cruelest kind. Hitler LOVED oatmeal cookies with raisins!
    Rest assured that you will not be punished for this travesty. Your sister, however, shall pay.
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    Disgustedly yours,
    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    It’s me again, Cate. Last year you bought me a lot of presents, and I just wanted to say thank you once again. This year, I want a lot of things, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. Mom says you won’t be getting me everything I want, but I always tell her she doesn’t know you like I do. For Christmas, I’ll start out with some of the little things I need. I need a hair brush for Barbie and some new clothes for her too. She’s getting very tired of the ones she’s been wearing for the past three months. Also for Barbie, she needs the new dream