Santa Claus Read Online Free PDF

a Game Cube and Wii this year, and I hope you have a ball with them.
    And if I were to kiss anybody’s mommy it would be yours.
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    Rrrawr!
    SANTA

DEAR SANTA,
    How’s THE NORTH POLE? IS RUDOLPH’S NOSE STILL SHINING? I HEARD THAT DANCER HAD THE FLU AND I HOPE THE ELVES TOOK GOOD CARE OF HIM So THAT HE IS ALL BETTER BY CHRISTMAS EVE.
    I HOPE I AM ON YOUR NICE LIST THIS YEAR. I KNOW THAT I PULLED MY SISTER’S HAIR A FEW TIMES AND ATE CANDY WHEN MOMMY WASN’T LOOKING, BUT I THINK BESIDES THAT I’VE BEEN PRETTY GOOD. BESIDES, BENJAMIN FROM MY CLASS IS ALWAYS PUSHING BOYS ON THE PLAYGROUND AND EVERY CHRISTMAS HE GETS LOTS OF PRESENTS FROM YOU, So I THINK I SHOULD GET SOME PRESENTS, RIGHT?
    I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT A NEW PUPPY. I KNOW THAT MOMMY THINKS I AM NOT GOING To WALK IT ENOUGH BUT I SWEAR I WILL. MY NEIGHBOR, JOSH, ALWAYS PLAYS WITH HIS DOG IN HIS FRONT YARD AND I THINK IT LOOKS LIKE FUN. PLUS I WALKED BY THE PET STORE YESTERDAY AND SAW LOTS OF PUPPIES IN THE WINDOW, AND THEN MY TEACHER TOLD US ALL ABOUT THE DOGS IN THE POUND WHO NEED To BE ADOPTED. I WOULD GIVE THE PUPPY A GOOD HOME (I WANT A GOLDEN RETRIEVER, BUT A BEAGLE WOULD BE OKAY Too.) THANKS SANTA. LOOK OUT For SOME GINGERBREAD COOKIES AT MY HOUSE THIS YEAR. THEY’RE MY FAVORITE So I’LL SAVE A FEW For YOU.
    FROM,
TRISTAN

    Dear Tristan,
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    It’s really quite clever how you open your letter with some small talk, and then subtly slip in some minor transgressions as a distraction from the truly awful things you’ve done this year. Does “the pogo stick incident” ring a bell? Sadly, this tendency will serve you well when you make your entry into politics in your late twenties—much to the misfortune of the idiots who elect you. However, the attempt to further bolster your case by calling out the misdeeds of your class-mates is just piling it on too thick. Benjamin’s aggression is merely a conduit for the latent homosexual tendencies that he has yet to even begin to understand. Not that it’s any of your business.
    After preparing your case in the most manipulative way possible, you finally reveal that what you want more than anything is a puppy. You claim you’d be happy with a dog from the pound. Well, I’ll tell you right now, you’re not going to be finding any Beagles or Golden Retrievers at your local shelter. What you’ll find there are mutts. They’re more loving, and definitely more intelligent than any purebreds, but the truth is that doesn’t really matter to you. In the superficial manner that will sadly serve you well throughout your life, the most important thing to you is appearance. The mutt that you are going to receive this Christmas will be loving and loyal right up to the moment three months later when your parents return it to the shelter because you’ve rejected it. A week later it will be put to sleep. I truly hope you rot in hell.
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    Jingle All the Way!
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    SANTA

Dear Santa
    How come you so fat?
    Love,
Ashton, aged 8

    Dear Ashton,
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    How come you so rude? Seriously, haven’t your parents taught you any manners? Or grammar?
    If you really must know, I’m fat because I love bread, potatoes, pasta and booze. Those four things have been torture when it comes to maintaining a svelte figure. Now, some people may say I’m an incredible hypocrite the way I chastise others for letting themselves grow fat while doing nothing to maintain my own weight. It’s a fair critique, but it’s really a matter of apples and oranges (neither of which I like eating). You see, I’m immortal. I can eat all the unhealthy shit I want and it’s not going to kill me. The same can’t be said for any of the fat kids who write to me. So this really is a case of “do as I say, not as I do.” I’m only thinking of them as I berate and ridicule them, all the while knocking back a bottle of