Santa Claus Read Online Free PDF Page A

that I finally look at it that way, I see that what I’ve been doing is merely an attempt to gain the love of parents whose love was never attainable in the first place. There’s no point in me making and delivering all of these toys. I see that now. Finally, I’m free of this onerous task. And I owe it all to you, Henry.
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    Free at last,
    SANTA
    PS: Whenever children ask me why I no longer bring them toys, I’ll say it’s all thanks to Henry Sellers of Evanston, Illinois.

Dear Santa,
    I would like an iPod, MP3
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player, 50 movies, and a
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Nintendo PS Lite. I also
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want a Game Cube. How do your reindeer fly?
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    Sincerely,
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Adelina Forte

    Dear Adelina,
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    My reindeer are able to fly because their muscles haven’t atrophied from the inaction that comes from spending all of one’s time on one’s ass playing video games, listening to music and watching 50 movies. Maybe you should ask for some presents that require a little physical activity. It may do wonders in staving off the diabetes that will strike you at fourteen, and the heart attack that will bring you down at twenty. Laying off the donuts might help, too.
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    It’s never too late,
    COACH SANTA

Dear Santa,
    I would like a tender Electric suitar Laptop and Cellphone for Christmas. and in school I would like good grades in science + a little more freedom at home. from,
    Emily not Emma
P.S. Jell Roudolph I said “Hi!”

    Dear Emily not Emma,
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    As far as I know, Fender doesn’t make an Electric Guitar Laptop, although it does sound like something I would like for myself if they do decide to produce one. Similarly, they also don’t produce a cell phone, so I’m afraid you’re shit-out-of-luck on those requests. If Rudolph existed, he might tell me that you meant to put a comma after the word Guitar, which would have given a whole new meaning to your wish list. But he doesn’t exist. Sorry.
    That brings us to your next request: good grades in science. Since science is increasingly irrelevant in your country, I’m not sure why you care. Your public schools have never exactly been on the cutting edge of science to begin with, and since they’ve eliminated everything from the curriculum that offends the various pinheads in your community, I think the only lessons left in your science books involve photosynthesis and gravity—although I suspect gravity will soon be dropped as well. Get it? Gravity…dropped! Oh, never mind.
    As for your final wish for more freedom at home, good luck with that one. Your parents feel that keeping you a virtual prisoner will prevent you from becoming pregnant as a teenager. Of course, if they bothered to teach you any sex education, you’d be aware that the neighbor boy’s attempt to give you a friendly “inoculation” against liberalism when you’re fourteen will ultimately do nothing to actually save you from the welfare state.
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    Don’t know much about biology,
    SANTA

DEAR SANTA CLAUS,
    IN THE SONG “I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS” DO YOU REALLY KISS MY MOM? AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING LAST YEAR. THIS YEAR I REALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PRESENTS I GET. I CARE ABOUT THE PRESENTS I GIVE. BY THE WAY HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
    FROM,
LUCAS, 8 AND A QRTER

    Dear Lucas,
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    I’m often asked this question, to which I usually reply: If I only had the time!
    You’ll get that in about ten years.
    In the meantime, it’s letters like yours that make me grateful that I can see within your heart. I often get letters from calculating little shits who feed me lines like “I only care about the presents I give” like so many beauty pageant contestants, and if I wasn’t able to see the truth it would leave me in a difficult position. But I can see your sentiments are genuine, and it does warm my heart. I’ll be bringing you