Sam Cruz's Infallible Guide to Getting Girls Read Online Free PDF Page B

wrestles the phone out of my hoodie pocket, not caring if he hits boob.
    Having grabbed the prize (the phone, not my boob), he holds me at arm’s length while he reads my text.
    “That’s private,” I fume.
    “‘Roses are red/Violets are blue/We could still be a couple/Let’s go for take two,’” he reads.
    He stares at me in disbelief. “What are you, twelve?”
    I grab the phone back. “I think the important fact is that I haven’t sent it.”
    “What happened to reclaiming your animal self? Unless you meant exposing your soft underbelly for the kill.”
    With that reminder, I just deflate. I tiredly remove my glasses and rub my eyes. “You’re right. I’m not that girl.”
    Sam looks like he wants to punch me. “You’re just going to agree with me?”
    He gives a small growl of frustration then shakes his head like he’s come to a decision he’s not happy about. “As the best friend e-vah…”
    He pauses and yes, it does elicit the desired small smile from me.
    “I’m not going to let you sink. If you need to get some game, get out there and feel better about yourself, then let’s do it. Because that text is not going to make you happy either.”
    Sounds good, but so does being a gazillion miles away in South America.
    “When is the application date?” he asks.
    “In two months,” I reply.
    “Then give it two months. And if you still need to go, I’ll drive you to the airport myself. Okay?”
    He takes my hand and I lean against his shoulder. “Okay. Thanks for being there for me, Pinky.”
    “Any time, Brain. Now go shower. You stink.”
    Way to kill the moment.

Chapter seven
     
    “It’s break-up insanity,” Rachel says later, twisting around from the driver’s seat to face me and Ally in the back. “Get drunk, eat fried food, sleep with an inappropriate guy and get it out of your system. Don’t become Sam.”
    “Thanks, Rach.”
    She shakes her head at me. “You know what I mean. Your lifestyle is fine for you, but it’s not Ally.”
    “Was that supposed to be a compliment?” Ally asks, confused.
    “Sure,” Ian replies, climbing into the passenger seat with our pizza. “Go with that.”
    “It just seems so…” Rachel pauses.
    “ Pygmalion ?” Ian asks.
    “Huh?” Rachel pulls out of the parking lot and makes a sharp left, headed for my place.
    “Shaw play. You ignorant lot know it as My Fair Lady .”
    “Do they teach you anything modern over there?” I joke.
    “ Frankenstein ,” Rachel pronounces, changing lanes. “What this is like.”
    “More like Fuckenstein,” I point out. “Fire up the pitchforks, villagers, she’s on the loose.”
    I roar like Frankenstein, arms outstretched and thrusting my hips rapidly to lend to the visual.
    Ian laughs.
    Rachel radiates disgust as she glances back at Ally through the rearview mirror. “Seriously?”
    “Aside from the fact that Fuckenstein is the doctor’s name—,” Ally begins thoughtfully.
    “Doubly appropriate,” Ian chips in.
    “The loose part sounds nice for a change. See, humans are one of the few monogamous species. Maybe that’s just emotional longing and other species have it right. That biologically speaking, multiple partners are natural.”
    “I’ll stay unnatural with you, love,” Ian says sweetly to Rachel.
    “You’re already getting the milk for free, cowboy,” I point out. “You don’t have to butter up the cow.”
    Rachel grins saucily at Ian. “Butter.”
    “Distinct possibilities,” he agrees, sounding intrigued.
    Ally gives a small shiver of disgust before getting back to the subject. “But beyond that, for humans and animals alike, relationships involve a power dynamic where one person ends up getting hurt.”
    Rachel pulls into my driveway and we pile out.
    “That’s not true,” Ian says.
    “Just wait,” Ally replies.
    I unlock the front door for everyone to enter.
    “Okay sunshine,” Rachel cuts in, clearly exasperated. “You want to get out there and make guys