Sam Cruz's Infallible Guide to Getting Girls Read Online Free PDF Page A

and Hydeing.
    “You’re not listening,” she says. “I don’t want you to sleep with me. I want you to want to.”
    She looks at me as if she’s made some point.
    I stare at her, clueless but giving it my best shot at figuring out what’s going on. “If this is about going out and having revenge sex, you don’t need to. You’re smart and funny and Jeremy is a twat.”
    Ally kicks at her carpet like a five-year-old.
    “What’s going on in your head, Brain?”
    Ally gets this manic gleam in her eyes. “Being the one that gets left behind sucks. Not that I thought we’d be together forever, but I thought when it did end, it would be mutual. No hard feelings.”
    She shakes her head at her own stupidity. “But it doesn’t work that way. Biology shows that relationships are dominance and submission. And I’m not going to submit any more. I’m going to be the one on top. I want to be the one in control. Like Buffy.”
    “Your new boyfriend might have something to say about that.”
    Ally shakes her head. “No boyfriend. This is about enjoying myself without getting hurt. Screw around then screw off. You’re the veritable master. So teach me.”
    “Like the beautiful butterfly emerging from its cocoon, so Ally emerges from her room. And as the butterfly majestically spreads its wings for the first time, Ally too, spreads her—”
    “Don’t mock me.” She crosses her legs and faces me earnestly. She’s really working herself up. “Take the love baggage out of me, give me some game. It’s rarer, but there are dominant female animals. A lioness doesn’t want to screw a lion? She beats the crap out of him. Now that’s dominance.”
    She chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully. “I could even write a book. From Victim to Vanquisher: Reclaiming Our Animal Selves .”
    For a minute, I consider it. If I could turn someone like Ally into a female who simply enjoys the game with none of that “we slept together so now we should date” B.S. that always gets in the way? I could end the battle of the sexes.
    I mean, girls have been counseling each other poorly for years. Causing all kinds of trouble because they don’t get what guys really want. If we are going to have any peace, we need to overcome that. Show them the one true way.
    She could be an ideal for all women to aspire to. This power play might be her real way of feeling better after being dumped but it’s a guy’s wet dream. This is my chance to strike a blow for all mankind. My duty even.
    Then I remember who I’m dealing with and realize it’s probably more of a suicide mission.
    “Al, you’re a fall in love kinda girl. Not a screw ‘em and kick ‘em out of bed type.”
    “So you’re saying I’m a submissive loser?”
    “Yeah. That’s exactly what I said. Dumbass.”
    She waves me off. “You have it so easy. You run your little life exactly how you want it, coming and going la la la. I ask for one thing and you won’t help me.”
    Seriously? Now she’s pissing me off. “Here we go. Bring out the violins.”
    “You don’t think I can do it, do you?”
    “No shit!” I shoot back.
    “You suck as a best friend.”
    Never have we gone that far. “Take it back,” I say, serious.
    “Suckiest best friend e-vah.”
    “You know that part about me not saying ‘I told you so?’”
    Ally glares at me. “You wouldn’t dare.”
    I would. I do. “I.”
    Ally tosses a shoe at me, but misses.
    “Told.”
    Another throw and a miss.
    “You.”
    Thunk! This time she nails me.
    “You throw like a girl,” I shout and storm out.
    I don’t even get dinner.

Chapter six
     
    I am pounding the pavement. Literally. Going on a run where with each hard smack my foot makes on the sidewalk, I imagine I’m crushing Jeremy’s head.
    I’ve been teaching the parrots to respond with “big jerk” when I say Jeremy’s name to them. While it is amusing, it doesn’t take the sting off.
    At least the endorphin high from my run is making me feel