Salvation Read Online Free PDF Page A

heal. I hadn’t gone back to work, but my boss said I could take all the time I needed. He’d hired some temporary help. To prove to everyone else that I was getting better, I even started spending some nights alone in my old apartment.
    Those nights were the worst.
    I couldn’t sleep unless I took pills, but even then I would wake up with nightmares. I didn’t tell anyone about those.
    I know I wasn’t dealing. I wasn’t getting better. I wasn’t taking the help I was offered. I wasn’t doing anything I should have done to heal.
    The thing is I didn’t even want to. It was too long and too hard a journey out of the darkness. I just wanted not to hurt.
    So, one night, I was alone in my old apartment, where all my once-loved antique furniture mocked me with their triviality, their meaninglessness.
    I might as well have been sitting on the cold, concrete floor of that empty basement room.
    I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t cry and I couldn’t stop the world from hurting me. And I was holding in my hands a way to make the pain end.
    A brand new bottle of the pills I’d been taking to sleep.
    It felt like someone else was sitting on my bed, opening the bottle.
    I swallowed the regular dose with a gulp of water. Then I stared down at more of them in my hand for a really long time.
    Then I was taking them.
    I don’t remember how many I took. Most of that evening is a blur to me now. I don’t remember much except lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, hoping all of it would finally end.
    For some reason, I kept picturing Gideon. I’d been a stranger to him, and he’d fought to protect me anyway. For some reason, it mattered to me now more than ever.
    I picked up my phone and started listening to the string of voicemails he’d left me over the last six weeks, starting from the beginning.
    “Hi, Diana. It’s Gideon. Gideon Walker. I hope it’s okay for me to call. I wanted to see how you were doing. If you get a chance and you’re up to it, maybe you could give me a call back.”
    “Hi, Diana. It’s Gideon. Just calling back to see how you’re doing. It’s really fine if you’re not up to talking yet. I’ve just been thinking about you. I hope you’re...Anyway, just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and thought I’d check in. Give me a call if you can.”
    “Hi, Diana. It’s Gideon again. I hope you don’t think I’m bugging you. Maybe I am. I’m really sorry if I am. I just feel like we should...I don’t know. I’d love to hear how you’re doing.”
    “Hi, Diana. It’s me again. Gideon. Checking in to see how you’re doing.”
    “Hi, Diana. It’s Gideon. I don’t know if I should even be calling you anymore. Maybe you just don’t want to talk to me. But I keep thinking about you, and... No, that’s it. I’m just thinking about you.”
    “Hi Diana. It’s me. I guess you don’t want to talk to me, since it’s been a month and I haven’t heard from you. I think I can understand why. I thought it might help if we could talk. I mean, I don’t really know why it would help. I just feel...I don’t know...connected to you somehow, and I can’t seem to get past it.”
    “Hi, it’s me again. I hung up after the last message and was afraid it might have sounded kind of creepy. I really just want to hear how you’re doing. I promise I’m not asking or expecting anything from you. Sorry if the previous message freaked you out.”
    “Hi, Diana. It’s Gideon. I wasn’t going to call again. In fact, I was told that I needed to stop, since you obviously don’t want to hear from me. Anyway, if you don’t call me back after this, then I won’t call again. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I couldn’t stop it from happening. I’m really sorry I didn’t do more. I know I don’t know you very well but I could tell even from the short time we spent together that you’re really sweet and you’re really brave and you have a really...a really good