Rules of Lying (Jane Dough Series) Read Online Free PDF Page A

because a lady from church knew I was reading it. No one asked the lady how she knew about the scene.
    I reached for my second shot of tequila. Sue and I downed one in unison.
    I tried to remember what other embarrassing things Mom liked to tell reporters, but it had been so long since someone had written about me, I couldn’t. And those other articles hadn’t mattered. They’d come out when I was trying to increase my readership, and any publicity was good publicity. But now? What possible good could come from an article now? I hadn’t published in two years.
    “It adds a touch of humor,” Sue said. “Good journalism is all about holding the reader’s interest, and I for one think this journalist is doing a fantastic job.” She stopped abruptly, poured and downed a third shot, grimaced as she took some lime and salt, and went on.
    “Jane returned home briefly when she was seventeen,” Barbara Dough reminisced. “But her father kicked her out when he found a naked man in her closet.”
    “Oh, for crying out loud,” I wailed. “A naked man? Joe was barely eighteen. I sound like a degenerate, like a teenage prostitute doing men in the family coat closet.”
    Sue giggled as she dropped the paper again. “Why have I never heard this story?” she said. “It sounds so … inneresting.”
    Sue had never heard the story because it happened two days after we’d been busted for mushrooms on school grounds. Sue had a lot going for her—cheerleader, class president, future prom queen—and all her accomplishments would have gone away if she’d been expelled, so I took the blame. Sue’s father was pretty mad, though, and he warned me to stay away from Sue.
    I shrugged. “I left home right after it happened; I didn’t see you again to tell you. But it was no big deal. My parents had been out of town and returned early. Dad pounded on my door, and Joe jumped into the closet to hide. Dad went straight to the closet, opened it, and there was Joe, naked as the day he was born.”
    Except not exactly, unless he was born with a gigantic shlong. Joe being my first, I had no idea how he compared to everyone else, but he could have found fame in porno movies.
    My poor father must have had quite a shock when he saw Joe standing naked in the closet, but I doubt it equaled the shock I’d had when Joe took my virginity. There were several attempts on two separate occasions and when it finally happened, I was certain I’d been impaled by a sword. This is probably the reason I don’t like medieval romances.
    I shook my head to clear it of those memories. “I can’t believe my mother brought that up. I can’t believe she remembered it.”
    “Why did your Dad think someone was in your closet?” Mark asked.
    “Because Joe’s car was out front with a flat tire,” I said. “The thing is, the car would have been there with a flat tire regardless. Joe was planning to hitchhike back to his place, but I talked him into staying. So there was a fifty-fifty chance my father would have found zilch in the closet, but he didn’t trust me, so instead of bothering to ask, he marched in and looked.”
    “Imagine your father not trusting you,” Sue said indignantly.
    Mark let out a snort. “So if your Dad had asked, you’d have told him the truth?”
    “Well, hell no. I was seventeen years old with a naked man in my closet. What do you think?” I downed another shot. I deserved it.
    Sue picked up the paper again. She squinted, moved the paper up close, then held it at arm’s length. It was a few more seconds before she resumed reading.
    By the time Dough was 21 she’d moved to Los Angeles, taking on temporary jobs such as modeling. She even had a few bit parts in films.
    Dough’s mother recalled those times. “I think Jane was waitressing in a topless bar when she met that Pete—you know, the rock star. I don’t think they actually met there, but that’s the job she had at the time.”
    Please, God, just shoot me now. I