Ruining You Read Online Free PDF

around eating. I grab a cup of
coffee and a banana then head to an empty table. Minutes later, Dr. Gale speaks
to me as he walks by.
    “Morning, James.”
    “You called me Jay the other
day.” That must have caught his attention because he stops and turns around.
    “When?”
    “During our little chat. I
think I’m getting through to you, Dr. Gale.”
    “I don’t know about getting
through to me. Driving me bonkers may be a more apt description. See you later
this afternoon, James.” He smiles and walks away.
    Smiling, I have to admit, he
is driving me a little crazy with his need to always have the last word. I
throw away my trash and walk over to Dr. Raines’s office. Her door is always
open when she is waiting for me to arrive.
    “Good Morning, Jay,” Dr.
Raines says with a smile on her face and in her voice. She is already sitting
in one of the chairs that face each other in the back of her office. With her
hair in a bun, prim black suit, and matching pumps, an air of authority
surrounds her.
    “Morning, Dr. Raines,” I
reply, sitting down in the empty chair.
    “So, how did your visit with
your mother go yesterday?”
    “Fine..,” I start to tell
her but quickly change my direction, “actually, not so fine.” Suddenly, my
words can’t come out fast enough, and I tell her everything I said to my mother
during her visit. When I finish, we both fall silent.
    “Jay, how did you feel
afterwards? Give me the first word that comes to mind.”
    I think about what she is
asking for a second before I reply, “Relief.”
    “From what?” Dr. Raines
asks.
    “From saying how I felt. For
getting the anger that I didn’t know I even had off my chest. But then, that
also left me feeling sad for how I spoke to her. She didn’t deserve that.”
    “I know we’ve spoken about
this before, but some would say that, in a sense, you were abandoned. I’m not blaming
your parents, but your emotional state could have been much better had you had
their support. Your mother and I have discussed this in the past. She takes
full responsibility for not being there when you needed her. You needed to have
that discussion, and more importantly, she needs to know how you feel.”
    I notice that she said my
mother took full responsibility but not my father.
    “What about my father? I
know you have spoken to him. Does he also take responsibility?”
    Dr. Raines gently smiles at
me and clasps her hands. “Have you spoken to your father recently?”
    Looking directly into her
eyes, I shake my head.
    “How does that make you
feel? Again, give me the first words that you think of.”
    “Worthless. Broken. Unloved.
Unforgiveable. Ashamed. Take your pick. I feel like he’s avoiding me. I don’t
know what to say to make anything better, and it’s not like I’ve been given the
chance anyway.”
    “Does your mother know how
you feel about your father?”
    “No. She can’t handle it.
She is barely holding it together for me. That’s why I feel guilty about coming
down so hard on her yesterday.”
    “You do know that eventually
you will have to speak to him and tell him how you feel?” Dr. Raines
straightens in her chair and leans forward. “He loves you, Jay. That hasn’t changed.
He is just trying to figure out this new life. Is your mother coming to visit
on Thanksgiving?”
    “No, she’ll be here next
week. She wanted to, but I told her I was fine. I’m hoping she’ll go visit my
grandmother like we normally do.”
    “Do you think your mother is
living her normal life now?”
    “What do you mean?” I ask.
    “Do you honestly believe
that all of your lives haven’t been majorly disrupted? That life can return to
a normal pattern for any of you? I only ask that, Jay, because I want you to
understand that everyone you were connected with has experienced an irrevocably
changed life from the moment you decided to try and take yours. You can’t make
decisions based on how everything used to be. I just want you to be