Ruining You Read Online Free PDF Page A

my nightmares than to deal with this.
    “Baby, we don’t have long
together. Turn around and kiss me like you mean it.”
    “JT, I can’t. This is just a
dream. Tomorrow I will wake up and have to relive it all again, and trust me
when I say that I don’t want to. I can’t.” I break away from his hold and walk
closer to the waterline.
    “Jay,” he sighs, “baby, it
doesn’t have to be this way. If it’s just a dream, then we should enjoy being
together.” Walking up to me, he grabs my hand and tries to turn me around. I
resist.
    “No, JT. I really don’t want
to see you. It hurts too much when I wake up, knowing I’ll never see you again.
These stolen dreams aren’t worth the pain I will not be able to escape
tomorrow. Please just go.”
    “Where, Jay? Where do you
want me to go? If I’m just your imagination, where do I fit in your life now?”
His voice is low.
    I can’t help it. Turning to
face him, I gasp at what I see. The face of the fairytale prince that I have
loved forever hasn’t changed a bit. His thick black hair and sapphire eyes are
just as I remember them. His smile is the only thing that’s different. It’s
serene, almost peaceful. He has on his standard attire of blue jeans and a
t-shirt with our school logo.
    Throwing myself into him, I
tightly wrap my arms around his neck. This dream feels so real. I can even feel
his chuckle as it shakes his chest.
    “Girl, are you ever going to
figure out what you want? Push me away, pull me back. You give a guy whiplash,
even if he’s only a figment of your crazy mind.”
    Looking into his eyes, it
all feels so real, but I know if I give in and let the dream become reality, it
will only hurt more when I awaken. “You’re dead,” I sob, burying my head into
his chest.
    “But not forgotten, Jay. I
know you’ll never forget me.” Pulling away from me, he smiles down and lets me
go.
    “That’s what I’m afraid of.
I’m afraid I will never be able to move forward unless I let you go, and
honestly, I don’t have a clue where to start. It’s my fault, JT. It’s entirely
my fault.”
    Shaking his head, he turns
to walk away. I fall to my knees and bow my head. Tears flow from my eyes and
saturate the earth beneath me.
     
    I open my eyes, and my heart
starts again. I’m back in the land of the living and my personal hell-on-earth.

 

     

     
    Rolling over, I notice the
clock reads 7 A.M. On Mondays, I have early sessions with Dr. Raines. Slowly, I
rise out of bed to stretch my stiff body. My mind is still hazy from slumber. I
grab a pair of black yoga pants, a grey t-shirt, and my shower items. Sliding
on my black ballet slippers, I head down the hall to the bathroom.
    As I pass by the guy’s
bathroom, the door suddenly swings opens, and out charges the new guy. He
crashes into me, knocking everything from my hands.
    “Ow...hey, watch where you
are going!” Huffing, I bend down to pick it all up.
    “Listen, I’m sorry,” he
says, squatting down at the same time to help me retrieve my items.
    In haste, I swiftly raise my
head and jar my forehead against his chin. My hands go to my head as the pain
radiates through my skull. God, it hurts. “Damn! Really?!? I can get my own
stuff.” I hurriedly grab the scattered items and stand up.
    “Are you always a bitch or
am I just the lucky one?” he asks before turning and walking away.
    I glare at his back as he
leaves, and his words ring in my head. Is this what I’ve become? For the past
two years, most guys have landed in the following three categories: friend,
foe, or fuck. More often than not, they can find themselves in the last
category because my idea of control revolved around the concept of controlling
my body. Unfortunately, that notion has messed with my mindset, how I look at
guys, and how I perceive that they look at me.
    After showering, I head over
to the cafeteria. It’s a public space shared by the entire facility. At any
given time, fifty plus people can be sitting