my car and got in. Back in Kingdom, some of the residents refused to ride in cars. It seemed that things were a little more relaxed here in Sanctuary. Even though Iâd turned my back on my Mennonite roots, I had to admit I sometimes missed the quiet of a small town. Sometimes the noisiness of the city got on my nerves.
When I started the car, my affirmations CD began to play. After I turned the car around and started back toward town, I reached over and switched it off.
âSorry,â I said.
Pastor Troyer looked over at me. âYou find these statements helpful?â
Sure that New Age affirmations werenât something the Mennonite pastor agreed with, I shrugged. âIâm not sure. A friend gave me the CD. It seems to help her.â
He looked away. âThe Bible is full of positive proclamations. Many times I remind myself that I am the righteousnessof God through Christ Jesus. That I can do all things through Him. That I am His beloved and that no man can snatch me out of His hand. That nothing can separate me from His love.â
âWow. Thatâs surprising coming from a Mennonite pastor. I thought you believed it was a sin to point to yourself. That everything must point to God.â
After telling me to take a right turn, the pastor chuckled. âWhen I say who I am through Christ, am I not pointing to Him? It is easy to believe that God is too great to care about a worm like me. It is harder to believe that the Master of the Universe is personally interested in my life. That He loves me so much the very hairs on my head are numbered. Donât you agree?â
When I turned to look at him, the car swerved, and I had to refocus on the road. A family in a buggy looked over at us, concern written on their faces.
âSorry,â I said. âI guess I need to pay more attention to my driving.â Although I didnât answer his question, it left me feeling a little flustered. Our pastor in Kingdom had said the same thing, but Iâd forgotten about it until now. My father and mother hadnât believed in a merciful God. To them, righteousness was something you had to earn. Something I could never achieve. After leaving Kingdom, Iâd decided to reject the concept of God completely, and for the first time in my life, Iâd finally felt free. Now I only believed in one thing: me.
The pastor didnât pursue an answer to his inquiry; he just directed me down another street until we pulled up in front of a large white house. An elderly Mennonite woman sat in a rocking chair on the big front porch. Wearing a long greendress and a black prayer covering over her gray hair, she looked exactly the way Iâd expected. Except for the joyous smile on her face. Some of the older women in Kingdom looked like theyâd just eaten lemons, including my mother. Of course, not everyone had been that way. In fact, the faces of several women Iâd known popped into my thoughts. Funny that Iâd forgotten about some of the good people from my old hometown.
I parked the car, and the pastor and I got out.
âGood afternoon, Esther,â Pastor Troyer called out. âI am delivering your new houseguest.â
Esther stood up from her rocking chair and hobbled over to the edge of the porch. âI am so glad you have come to stay, Emily. Believe it or not, the young woman who just left was named Emily, as well.â
I smiled at the friendly woman. âI really appreciate your graciousness. I hope I wonât be a poor substitute for your previous guest.â
Esther waved her hand at me as I pulled my suitcases out of the trunk. Pastor Troyer picked up two of them and headed toward the house.
âLeave the rest, Emily,â he said. âI will fetch them.â
I shook my head. âThank you, but I can easily get these.â I pulled out my laptop and a large, soft tote bag. I walked up to the porch and stood in front of Esther. âLead the
Benjamin Blech, Roy Doliner