Restore Your Marriage & Fall in Love Again Read Online Free PDF

rejected. And even if she overreacted a bit, she knows it is okay to be open and honest with him.
     
     
    THINK ABOUT IT
     
    To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous. ~Elizabeth Gilbert
     
    Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words. ~George Eliot
     
    A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. ~Jim Morrison
     
    When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion. ~Dale Carnegie

RELATIONSHIP BUILDER EIGHT
     

Offer Sympathy Not Solutions
     
    When your spouse is having a dilemma, it only seems natural to want to help solve it immediately. You may think it is your responsibility to fix everything and make it better. But is that really the best way to help your partner? Believe it or not, solving the problem is not what your spouse needs from you. When your partner has a dilemma and begins to share it with you, the first thing he or she wants is for you to simply listen and be there for him or her. This goes for both men and women, although some men may be more tolerant of immediate problem-solving efforts from their wives than are women.
     
    You partner wants to know you understand and empathize with her rather than tell her what she should do. She may want you to show her some compassion and tenderness--hold her, comfort her, or encourage her. For example, Mia is having troubles with her new employee and his lack of compliance to company policies. She does not want to hear Mark’s suggestions on the kind of disciplinary action she should take. But she would appreciate if he were to tell her that he understands her dilemma and is confident in her leadership skills and decision-making. A hug may be reassuring to her as well. That is all she may need from him. He believes in her. He is there to support her and love her. It is as simple as that!
     
    As tempting as it can be, it is wise to keep your advice and solutions to yourself (at least initially) the next time your partner is going through some problem. First and foremost, remember that your partner wants your compassion. Then, your partner may be more open and interested in hearing your ideas or words of wisdom. Then again, it may not even be necessary or helpful.
     
     
    SAY IT & BELIEVE IT Read aloud (individually or together):
     
    When ( spouse’s name ) is feeling distressed, more than anything else, he/she wants to have my sympathy and unconditional love. In my eagerness to help, I may overlook this need and immediately attempt to solve the problem. Whether or not I believe I have the solution or answers, it may not be in _____ best interest to offer any advice if it is not asked for. _____ may simply want to know that I share his/her pain and that I care enough to just be there and listen with love and compassion.
     
    I will no longer take immediate action and make it my responsibility to solve _____’s problems. I will not tell him/her what to do or how to do it without being asked. I will, however, offer my sympathy and support in any way that I can. _____ may need to know that I believe in him/her and his/her ability to come to his/her own solutions. I will demonstrate my confidence in him/her. Instead of focusing on fixing the problem, I will listen and provide comfort and encouragement to _____.
     
    When my partner wants my sympathy and not solutions, I will be more understanding and compassionate rather than solution focused.
     
     
    PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
     
    Take turns to each share something with your partner that causes you distress (something unrelated to your relationship). As one of you listens, do not offer any advice or solutions. Simply listen