particular times, an accession of longing for the close physical union of the final sex-act. Many such separated wives feel this; and those I have asked to keep note of the dates, have, withremarkable unanimity, told me that these times came specially just before and some week or so after the close of menstruation, coming, that is, about every fortnight...
Many men, who can well practise restraint for 12 to 14 days, will find that one union will then thoroughly satisfy them; and if they have the good fortune to have healthy wives, they will find that the latter too have the desire for several unions in a day or two ... Expressed in general terms, my view may be formulated thus: the mutually best regulation of intercourse in marriage is to have three or four days of repeated unions, followed by about ten days without any unions at all, unless some external stimulus has stirred a mutual desire ...
In between these periods there may be additional special occasions when there springs up a mutual longing to unite. These will generally depend on some event in the lovers’ lives which stirs their emotions; some memory of past passion, such as an anniversary of their wedding, or perhaps will be due to a novel, poem or picture which moves them deeply.
Beware, you’ll have to keep it up
Theodoor Hendrik Van de Velde, Ideal Marriage, Its Physiology and Technique (1928)
I would warn husbands not to recklessly habituate their wives to a degree of sexual frequency and intensity which they (the husbands) may be quite unable to keep up for any length of time. There are many women of moderate sexual temperament who keenly enjoy long festivals of erotic activity, in which husbands both give and demand their utmost, but who do not suffer or resent when the tempest abates and a calm follows.
But there are others, though they are perhaps less numerous among Northern races, who, when once introduced to the maximum of sexual pleasure cannot modify their desires when this maximum is no longer available. Then indeed the husband cannot exorcise the spirits he has invoked. He has the painful choice between chronic ‘nerves’ on his wife’s part, which destroys marital peace and happiness, and equally chronic sexual overstrain and fatigue of his own.
Often no choice between these twin evils is possible and nerves, health, love and happiness are wrecked all round.
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Five
BALI HIGH
Sexual matters, meanwhile, were rather more skilled and sensual in Southeast Asia.
Ancient Balinese culture revered sex as an important religious practice, which meant that Saturday-night quickies were ruled firmly out. Babies were made by mixing male and female fluids with the elements of air, fire, water, earth and space – along with the odd reincarnated soul. The magic only worked if the couple orgasmed at the same time. And they needed to perform synchronized sex consistently, as part of a regime of meditation, chanting and mutual pleasure. What’s more, the quality of the sex was thought to affect the quality of the children. Hence the need for detailed manuals.
Bali’s first erotic guides were written in around AD 900 at the latest, according to recent studies. They originated from Java, where Islam eventually suppressed them. But Islam never reached Bali, and the islanders revered their manuals as living texts, so generations of scholars and scribes updated them continually over many centuries. The books were called Tutur and could only be read as part ofseveral years’ study under close guidance from a teacher. Tutur were considered top-shelf stuff, and were usually marked with the words aywa wera: ‘Do not disseminate indiscriminately.’ The books also warned that if a man failed to follow their guidelines, then he was having sex not as a human but as an animal.
Foreplay was a lengthy business. One guide, Rahasyasanggama , stipulated that lovers must meditate themselves into a state of union with the divine before even starting sex –