love. But what was I to him?
I was the one who changed him. Yes, maybe the changes I helped him make were for the best, but I was still the one who changed him. No man wanted to be changed.
I brushed the tears away from my face angrily as I stepped onto the sidewalk to the left of his driveway, my heart dropping into my stomach. I’m never going to see him again.
It had only been a couple days, but it hit me hard when I realized how much I cared about him. How much it was going to hurt me to never see him again.
***
I stared at her through the living room window. This was my fault.
She was crying because of me. All I had to do was go out there and ask her not to leave. Tell her I love her. Or tell her I thought I loved her.
Then again, there was the possibility I didn’t. I didn’t fucking know what love was like. All I knew was that I didn’t want to lose her.
And yet I just sat there at my living room window until I couldn’t see her any longer.
***
I can’t say I was surprised he didn’t come out after me. Just some small part of me had really hoped he would. I know it’s silly, but I just wanted to him to make me feel like he actually wanted me. Like I was important-ish to him. Was that really so much to ask for?
Apparently it was.
I let out a sigh as I pushed my apartment door open. Erin shot me a grin. “Well, you’re home early. I thought you had a date.”
“I thought I did too.”
“Ohh.” She raised herself from the couch. “What happened?”
“He loves someone else.” I shrugged. “And … and he’d do anything for her.” Clearly he wouldn’t even chase me down the street. But he was willing to kill for her. He’d already tried to, and he was going to do it again. How could I really compete with a woman he was willing to kill for?
I kicked off my shoes as Erin headed to the kitchen. She came out with a tub of ice cream, the candy she’d gotten for her birthday last week, and a bottle of vodka.
I dropped down onto the couch and let out a deep breath, a new wave of tears already trying to push their way down my cheeks. I mentally shook myself. He wasn’t worth crying over. He was just some random guy I hardly knew. It’s not worth it.
As hard as I tried I just couldn’t force myself to believe it.
It was worth it. He was worth it. I reached out and took the candy from her without a word, and Erin stared at me.
“What happened? Did she show up?”
A snort escaped me. It was meant to be a laugh, but I was in the process of chewing. Not a nice laugh, but one all the same. It’s not like I could even win against her; she was dead.
The second the thought passed my mind, I realized how wrong it was. I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths. When I opened them, Erin was staring at me.
“I don’t know why I’m so jealous.” I sounded weak as I spoke. I sounded like a 12-year-old girl; it was embarrassing. “I know he wants me. He said so himself that he didn’t want me to leave him, that he wanted me to come back once I had time to process everything.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told him I would. It was a lie.” I’d known the entire time that I wouldn’t be going back there. How could I? How could I know what he was about to do and not say anything? How could I tell him it was alright? How could I not call the cops on him?
I’m not saying the man didn’t deserve it. If you asked me, he did. A girl was dead because of him. But I wasn’t sure I could just let them do it. I couldn’t just sit by and watch him plan a murder.
Maybe if I never saw him again, I could do it. I could just forget him and pretend it never happened. One day I would see him on the news, and he’d be going to jail, and I would feel bad for doing it, for just leaving him—but maybe it was for the best. I couldn’t stop him from what he was going to do, and I couldn’t just sit by and worry about him.
I had to keep away from it and let him make his own
I was the one who changed him. Yes, maybe the changes I helped him make were for the best, but I was still the one who changed him. No man wanted to be changed.
I brushed the tears away from my face angrily as I stepped onto the sidewalk to the left of his driveway, my heart dropping into my stomach. I’m never going to see him again.
It had only been a couple days, but it hit me hard when I realized how much I cared about him. How much it was going to hurt me to never see him again.
***
I stared at her through the living room window. This was my fault.
She was crying because of me. All I had to do was go out there and ask her not to leave. Tell her I love her. Or tell her I thought I loved her.
Then again, there was the possibility I didn’t. I didn’t fucking know what love was like. All I knew was that I didn’t want to lose her.
And yet I just sat there at my living room window until I couldn’t see her any longer.
***
I can’t say I was surprised he didn’t come out after me. Just some small part of me had really hoped he would. I know it’s silly, but I just wanted to him to make me feel like he actually wanted me. Like I was important-ish to him. Was that really so much to ask for?
Apparently it was.
I let out a sigh as I pushed my apartment door open. Erin shot me a grin. “Well, you’re home early. I thought you had a date.”
“I thought I did too.”
“Ohh.” She raised herself from the couch. “What happened?”
“He loves someone else.” I shrugged. “And … and he’d do anything for her.” Clearly he wouldn’t even chase me down the street. But he was willing to kill for her. He’d already tried to, and he was going to do it again. How could I really compete with a woman he was willing to kill for?
I kicked off my shoes as Erin headed to the kitchen. She came out with a tub of ice cream, the candy she’d gotten for her birthday last week, and a bottle of vodka.
I dropped down onto the couch and let out a deep breath, a new wave of tears already trying to push their way down my cheeks. I mentally shook myself. He wasn’t worth crying over. He was just some random guy I hardly knew. It’s not worth it.
As hard as I tried I just couldn’t force myself to believe it.
It was worth it. He was worth it. I reached out and took the candy from her without a word, and Erin stared at me.
“What happened? Did she show up?”
A snort escaped me. It was meant to be a laugh, but I was in the process of chewing. Not a nice laugh, but one all the same. It’s not like I could even win against her; she was dead.
The second the thought passed my mind, I realized how wrong it was. I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths. When I opened them, Erin was staring at me.
“I don’t know why I’m so jealous.” I sounded weak as I spoke. I sounded like a 12-year-old girl; it was embarrassing. “I know he wants me. He said so himself that he didn’t want me to leave him, that he wanted me to come back once I had time to process everything.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told him I would. It was a lie.” I’d known the entire time that I wouldn’t be going back there. How could I? How could I know what he was about to do and not say anything? How could I tell him it was alright? How could I not call the cops on him?
I’m not saying the man didn’t deserve it. If you asked me, he did. A girl was dead because of him. But I wasn’t sure I could just let them do it. I couldn’t just sit by and watch him plan a murder.
Maybe if I never saw him again, I could do it. I could just forget him and pretend it never happened. One day I would see him on the news, and he’d be going to jail, and I would feel bad for doing it, for just leaving him—but maybe it was for the best. I couldn’t stop him from what he was going to do, and I couldn’t just sit by and worry about him.
I had to keep away from it and let him make his own
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