Politically Correct Bedtime Stories Read Online Free PDF Page A

ill, grew more advanced in nonhealth, and finally was rendered nonviable. Her father, the king, grieved for what can be considered a healthy period of time, then asked another wommon to be his queen. Snow White did her best to please her new mother-of-step, but a cold distance remained between them.
    The queen’s prized possession was a magic mirror that would answer truthfully any question asked it. Now, years of social conditioning in a male hierarchical dictatorship had left the queen very insecure about her own self-worth. Physical beauty was the one standard she cared about now, and she defined herself solely in regard to her personal appearance. So every morning the queen would ask her mirror:

    ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
    ‘Who’s the fairest one of all?’

    Her mirror would answer:

    ‘For all it’s worth, O my queen,
    ‘Your beauty is the fairest to be seen.’

    That dialogue went on regularly until once when the queen was having a bad hair day and was desperately in need of support, she asked the usual question and the mirror answered:

    ‘Alas, if worth be based on beauty,
    ‘Snow White has surpassed you, cutie.’

    At this the queen flew into a rage. The chance to work with Snow White to form a strong bond of sisterhood had long passed. Instead, the queen indulged in an adopted masculine power trip and ordered the royal woodsperson to take Snow White into the forest and kill her. And, possibly to impress the males in the royal court, she barbarously ordered that the girl’s heart be cut out and brought back to her.
    The woodsperson sadly agreed to these orders, and led the girl, who was now actually a young wommon, into the middle of the forest. But his connections to the earth and seasons had made him a kind soul, and he couldn’t bear to harm the girl. He told Snow White of the oppressive and unsisterly order of the queen and told her to run as deeply as she could into the forest.
    The frightened Snow White did as she was told. The woodsperson, fearing the queen’s wrath but unwilling to take another life merely to indulge her vanity, went into town and had the confectioner concoct a heart of red marzipan. When he presented this to the queen, she hungrily devoured the heart in a sickening display of pseudo-cannibalism.
    Meanwhile, Snow White ran deep into the woods. Just when she thought she had fled as far as she could from civilization and its unhealthy influences, she stumbled upon a cottage. Inside she saw seven tiny beds, set in a row and all unmade. She also saw seven sets of dishes piled high in the sink and seven reclining chairs in front of seven remote-controlled TVs. She surmised that the cottage belonged to either seven little men or one sloppy numerologist. The beds looked so inviting that the tired youngster curled up on one and immediately fell asleep.
    When she awoke several hours later, she saw the faces of seven bearded, vertically challenged men surrounding the bed. She sat up with a start and gasped. One of the men said, ‘You see that? Just like a flighty wommon: resting peacefully one minute, up and screaming the next.’
    ‘I agree,’ said another. ‘She’ll disrupt our strong bond of brotherhood and create competition among us for her affections. I say we throw her in the river in a sack full of rocks.’
    ‘I agree we should get rid of her,’ said a third, ‘but why degrade the ecology? Let’s just feed her to a bear or something and let her become part of the food chain?’
    ‘Hear, hear!’
    ‘Sound thinking, brother.’
    When Snow White finally regained her senses, she begged, ‘Please, please don’t kill me. I meant no harm by sleeping on your bed. I thought no one would ever notice.’
    ‘Ah, you see?’ said one of the men. ‘Female pre-occupations are already surfacing. She’s complaining that we don’t make our beds.’
    ‘Kill her! Kill her!’
    ‘Please, no!’ she cried. ‘I have travelled so deep into these woods because my