Plastic Hearts Read Online Free PDF Page A

games. “Ryan and I have been friends for a long time. I won’t ruin it.”
    “Good, that’s what I like to hear. Now since you made me drive all the way into the city for this nonsense, let’s have lunch.” Of course I didn’t make her come into the city, but there was no point in arguing with her. She wouldn’t listen to me anyway.
    We ate lunch at an organic restaurant my mother chose while I listened to her go on and on about a charity event she was putting together. I picked at my salad and nodded every now and then, but didn’t speak. I wanted to go back to my dorm room and hang out with Jade. I wanted to go somewhere to cry because it wasn’t enough that I broke my best friend’s heart; my mother had to tear me down more until there was nothing left. She always did that; she pushed and pushed until I broke. For once I wanted to matter to someone.
    As she dropped me back off at the dorm, she reminded me how important my relationship with Ryan was to her. I hated every minute I spent in that black car, listening to her talk about how she felt and what the end of my relationship was doing to her. This wasn’t normal, that much I knew, but there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. My mother and logic didn’t go well together.
    As soon as she dismissed me, I ran into the dorm and stripped off my clothes, throwing my sweats back on. That was my silent way of defying my mother. Maybe one day those little steps toward rebellion would lead me to something bigger, but that was unlikely to happen anytime soon.
    I filled Jade in on my visit as we walked to the bakery to pick up some carbs for movie night. She hated that I let my mother walk all over me, but I didn’t feel like I had any other option. Besides, it had been a part of my day-to-day life for so long that I didn’t know any better.
    We spent the rest of the day watching DVD’s, eating excessive amounts of junk food, and giggling at anything and everything. The weight on my chest seemed to lift with every moment spent with Jade. She told me about the guy from last night. I had no clue why she felt the need to talk to me about her crazy sex life. I was saving myself for marriage; that was what I told every guy I dated, but I just hadn’t felt enough desire to take that next step with anyone. Once I gave that part of me away I could never get it back and I needed it to mean something. I wanted to feel so deeply for someone that I wanted nothing more than to be with him. No regrets and no second thoughts, just pure want. I might never find it, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t crave it.
     

 

     
    I woke up the next morning feeling marginally better than I had when I went to bed the night before. I had no regrets, but my heart still hurt for the loss of my friend. Many times last night I thought about calling him to make sure he made it back to school okay, but I settled for a quick text. He replied with ‘yes’. My heart dropped when I saw the impersonal text; I was used to more from Ryan. I guess we both needed space before we could move forward with what I hoped would be friendship. There was too much history between us to become strangers.
    Today was the first day of the second semester. I was more nervous than usual because I had signed up for an Art class. I slipped it past my parents by telling them it was an optional elective for my Pre-Med degree. That much was true. It would fulfill my requirements, but more than that it would give me an opportunity to do something I wanted to do for once.
    Art was my passion, the one thing that allowed me to escape all the stresses in my life. I could take all my feelings, thoughts, and concerns and stick them on canvas. I’d never been able to find my voice where my parents were concerned, but my hand found a paintbrush when I was five. I guess you could blame my elementary art teacher, Mrs. Rome, but the first time I held a paintbrush, I knew I was onto something. That day my mom had taken away my