Pigeon English Read Online Free PDF Page A

lovely, like they were dreaming of all the good times when they were running around in the sunshine pecking each other in the head.
    Chicken: 'Peck peck peck peck!'
    Other chicken: 'Peck off!'

    When a baby dies they have to give it a name or it won't get into Heaven. Sometimes they're too sad to think of a name. Then Mamma thinks of a name for them. She usually gets them from the Bible. If the mamma doesn't believe in the Bible then she gets a name from the newspaper instead. One baby died today. It was ectopic.
    Mamma: 'That's when it grows outside the womb. There's nothing you can do about it. Sometimes they just get lost.'
    Mamma had to give the dead baby a name. She called it Katy after a lady in the newspaper. The baby's mamma was very pleased. She loved it.
    Me: 'Next time a baby dies you can call it Harrison. She'd love it.'
    Mamma: 'I can't do that, it's bad luck.'
    Me: 'How?'
    Mamma: 'It just is. Harrison is your name. I don't want anybody else to have it.'
    A name is so Jesus will find you. Otherwise Jesus won't know who he's looking for and you'd just float in space forever. That would be hutious. What if you fell into the sun, you'd get burned up like human toast!
    It's OK, the dead babies grow up in Heaven. Asweh, it was a mighty relief. I'd hate it if I had to stay a baby forever. You'd never learn how to read or talk. You'd be useless. I can't even remember what it feels like to be a baby. I was asleep most of the time. It was very boring. If I was like that forever I'd probably go crazy from head to toe.

    There should be footprints by the bins, they should have stuck like when you jump in the puddle and jump out again. I looked for them before school but they were gone. Maybe the killer was wearing special trainers with no pattern, or maybe he just didn't press hard enough for it to work. I always press hard, it's how you make the best shapes. Breaktime can be for puddle-jumping, especially if it's rainy and there's too many teachers around for suicide bomber. I did a massive one. Then I went frozen for if the pigeon did a shit on me, but he just went past. I couldn't tell if it was my pigeon, he was too far away. In England bird shit is good luck. Everybody agrees.
    Me: 'Even if it does it on your head?'
    Connor Green: 'It don't matter where it does it as long as it lands on you. It can be anywhere.'
    Me: 'What if it goes in your eye? What if it goes in your mouth and you eat it?'
    Connor Green: 'It's still good luck. All shit's good luck. Everyone knows that.'
    Vilis: 'Harri must be lucky then because he smells of shit.'
    Asweh, I got red-eyes like a maniac when he said that. I wanted to destroy him but there were too many teachers around. I had to hold it in.
    Dean: 'We weren't talking to you, spaz. Go and pick some spuds with your mum.'
    Connor Green: 'Go and f—a cow.'
    Vilis just said something in his language and ran away, he ran right through the puddle and ruined the game. The next time he abuses me I'm going to kick him in the nuts.

My coffin would be an aeroplane. The dead boy's coffin was just normal except it had the badge of Chelsea on it. It still looked bo-styles. All his family were very sad. It felt proper dark because of the rain and all the black they were wearing. There was no singing.
    Mamma: 'God rest him.'
    Mamma was squeezing me and Lydia the whole time. You couldn't tell her to stop. You couldn't dance because nobody else was dancing and anyway the rain made it too slippy. They wouldn't let us inside the church because we didn't know him enough. We had to wait outside. You couldn't see much for all the people in the way. I saw the cameraman from the TV. The lady who was telling the news kept stopping to get her hair fixed. She was taking donkey hours. It was very vexing. I just wanted her to shut up so I could hear what the speakers were saying.
    Me: 'I wonder what songs they'll play.'
    Bigger kid: 'Dizzee Rascal! They should play Suk My Dick, innit!'
    Another bigger kid: 'You