Pet Peeve Read Online Free PDF Page A

was evidently a gentle soul.
    “And you're worse, you denatured goblin,” her voice said to Goody. “Why don't you just put on a pretty dress and be done with it?”
    Ouch. He hated being likened to a girl.
    Wira kissed the top of the parody's head and gave it back to Grey Murphy. Now the bird was silent. Goody remembered that Grey's magic was to nullify magic. That was why he could stifle the obnoxious avian.
    “This should give you half a notion what to expect when you travel with the pet peeve,” Grey said. “It will insult everyone and everything that comes in range, with marvelous specificity, using your voice. Be suspicious if you ever hear a positive word from it. Are you sure you want to take on this mission?”
    That daunted Goody, but he persevered. “I shall do my best. But I am concerned about the reactions of those we may encounter.”
    “Exactly,” Grey said. “You surely observed how giving folk the Finger made them react. You won't even need to give them the bird to elicit their ire. You will need defensive magic. Wira, do you know where that bag of used four spells is?”
    Wira hurried away in search of it. “Four spells?” Goody asked.
    “I'll explain in a moment. I trust you realize that what qualifies you to escort the parody is that you must be one of the few folk who won't fly into a rage and wring its neck. Only a supreme pacifist can keep company with this bird for very long without suffering apoplexy or worse.”
    “I am coming to appreciate that.”
    “It may help to understand our diagnosis of its nature. The peeve has a high AQ.”
    “I beg your pardon?”
    “Annoyance Quotient. Almost anything it encounters annoys it, and it reacts by expressing itself in hostile and sometimes vulgar language.”
    Goody had to smile. “I believe I noticed something of the kind.”
    “A sense of humor certainly helps when dealing with it. The parody is attracted to the highest AQ it encounters. The recipients of its attention hate it, much as they do the Finger, which is perhaps another reason why the Good Magician gave you this challenge. You are not a creature of hate; you are essentially a pacifist. You will need to find some responsible person who will not be outraged by receiving the bird from you.”
    Goody was beginning to doubt. “Is there such a person?”
    “There must be, because Humfrey does not assign impossible Services. The challenge is to find him, her, or it. But it shouldn't be another pacifist, because the peeve would languish if not provided a ready source of aggravation. In other words, don't consider any low-AQ folk.”
    “A high-AQ person who likes the peeve,” Goody said. The challenge was looming larger by the moment.
    “Still, it was left here by the Gorgon, who rescued it from Hell, where it had rather worn out its welcome, and Humfrey agreed to find a good home for it. He has trouble saying no to his wives. We've gotten used to it here, but frankly will be satisfied to see it on its way.”
    “I can imagine.”
    Grey angled his head, gazing at Goody. “My talent of suppressing magic makes me sensitive to it. I need to know what I am suppressing, so as not to do corollary damage. There may be magic about you.”
    Goody was perplexed. “I am merely an ordinary goblin.”
    “I suspect you have a magic talent.”
    “But goblins don't have talents. Well, some have half talents that have to be matched with harpy half talents.”
    “Yes. But half a talent may become a full talent in time. I believe you have that potential.”
    “No offense, but I find that hard to believe.”
    “Keep it in mind. Maybe you and your wife came to share a talent, in the course of your long and close association, and you are in the process of inheriting the whole of it. Even Mundanes can develop talents in time. In fact there is now a Mundane Magician.”
    “Amazing!”
    “Magic is amazing,” Grey said seriously. “I came from Mundania, which provides me a certain exterior