behind her and threw a bunch of grocery bags on the floor causing
food went rolling all over the place. Great. Her hair was falling out of her
normally neat bun and her makeup was running down her face. It was clear that
she was stressed even before she locked the door and pulled the chain over the ledge
frantically. She swung around and looked out the peephole, ignoring me.
“Mom?” I asked
slowly.
She jumped at the
sound of my voice like I hadn’t been standing right next to her for the past
twenty seconds. She swung her head back around to look at me and clutched her
hand over her chest when she realized it was only me, there was a fear and
anxiety in her face I hadn’t seen since she had been clean and I immediately
hated the place it brought me back to. A place filled with lies, drugs, and
pain. My first thought was that she had relapsed and then I immediately hated
myself for it, ashamed that I didn’t have more faith in her even after a few
years of her being sober.
“Jenny,” she said
in a strained voice. “Sorry, baby, I didn’t see you there.”
“What’s wrong,
mom?” I glanced down at the groceries that were still strung about all over the
floor.
She sighed slowly,
looking out the peephole again. “I fear my past has finally caught up with me,
child.”
“Tell me what’s
going on,” I said, being careful to keep my voice down so my little sisters
didn’t here. I glanced in the living room to make sure they hadn’t heard
anything but they were still watching the T.V. silently, totally oblivious to
the fact that mom had even walked in the door.
My mom removed her
face away from the door with shame. “It’s those brothers, they finally came for
what I owe.”
I felt my heart
start to race in my chest. I had suspected mom got drugs from one of the Ford
brothers in the past but I hadn’t known she owed them any money. It seemed
strange to me that they would be chasing her down now, years later. Then a
feeling of dread came over me; unless it was my fault. Maybe Trigger had told
his brothers what a corny bitch I was and now they were coming to make good on
their debt.
“Mom!” I hissed.
“I didn’t even know you owed them anything!”
She nodded, shame
filling her eyes. “Five hundred.”
“Five hundred!” I
shouted. “We don’t have that kind of money!”
“Shush! Your
sisters!” my mom said, keeping her voice low. “I know we don’t have that kind
of money! That’s why I’m keeping my eyes on the door.”
“Maybe they would
let us make payments?” I offered.
My mom laughed;
like she couldn’t believe what a silly child she had. “The Ford brothers don’t
do payments. You either have their money or you pay in other ways.” She said
the last part with fear in her voice.
“Don’t worry, mom,
it’s going to be okay,” I told her, even though I wasn’t sure it’s going to be.
“I just don’t
understand. I’ve seen them in passing dozens of times since I got clean. Why now?
I come walking up the street and there’s the youngest brother just waiting in
front of our building like it’s no big deal. I doubt 500 dollars is a lot of
money to those brothers.” She was rambling now, the way she always did when she
was nervous.
“The youngest
brother?” I asked. She meant Trigger. Trigger was down there? Right now? So
what? He was pissed off that I had ditched him last night at the club so he
decided to come around and try to intimidate my family? How immature could he
get? Who the hell did he think he was?
I sighed and
pushed my mom back from the door a little. “I’ll be right back.”
“No!” she pleaded,
sounding more like a child than a mother. “Where are you going?”
I took a deep
breath. “I’m going to talk to him.”
My mom gasped,
clutching her heart with one hand and my wrist with her other. “The hell you
are! No child of mine is going down to talk to any Ford brother! I’ll never see
you again!”
I rolled my eyes.
I knew Trigger
Jennifer McCartney, Lisa Maggiore