Home From Within Read Online Free PDF Page A

bought you, but I will carve out a few hours this week to take you shopping for some warmer items.”
    Jessica felt heat flood her veins. Her mother was ruining her high school career.
    “Do you have any questions?”
    “No.”
    Jessica made her way up to her doorless room, falling onto her bed and burying her face in her pillow. Images of her in the hallways of Heritage with students surrounding her, pointing and laughing at her baggy clothes filled her brain. She shook her head in the pillow to pry out the images while holding in the tears.
     

     
    At the first sight of Marilee on the corner the next morning, Jessica burst into tears.
    “Ohmigod, what’s wrong?”
    “Look at . . .”
    “Your clothes. Your mother got to you.” Jessica nodded. Marilee surveyed her up and down. Suddenly her eyes flashed as she grabbed Jessica’s hands. “Stay put. I’ll be right back.”
    Marilee ran home and came back in less than three minutes with clothes stuffed in her backpack.
    “I pulled out pants that are a little short on me, so they should fit you. And that cute red top you like. You sneak out the clothing your mother hates. I’ll keep it at my house and bring you an outfit every day. You can change at school . . . or how ’bout the garage?”
    “Ohmigod, I can change in your garage and no one would see me walk to school looking like this.”
    The girls smiled at the plan.
    They jogged to school so Jessica could change before the first bell rang. Marilee’s jeans fit perfectly and despite the shoes being a little big, they were way cooler than the penny loafers her mother made her wear.
    Still out of breath from jogging, Jessica made her way to algebra with Mrs. Hittenbach. She entered the room and instinctively made a beeline to the safety of the back. However, all of the seats were taken so she made a split-second decision and ended up in the middle of the second row. Sitting perfectly still for a moment she tried to calm down her insides, which felt like a terrible storm, all windblown and tattered, and focused on only the teacher’s voice to help set her straight. It worked. Mrs. Hittenbach had the voice of an angel. She sang, in verse, the rules of her class and the goals of Algebra, or at least that’s how Jessica heard it. It reminded her of Sunday church hymns. Even though Jessica’s voice was not on pitch most of the time, she found solace singing loud in church. It was the only place she felt she could express herself without the critical eye of her parents. At least that of her mother since her father would not step foot in church. He never made them feel like they were doing anything wrong by going every Sunday, but he made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with organized religion.
    “When I die, do not have a church service for me. I want to be cremated and my ashes poured on Lodi’s property,” he announced one night at dinner.
    “Cremated and ashes poured on Lodi’s property?” her mother choked out. “How could you not want your exit to be filled with love from your family and God?”
    Her father smirked. “Katherine, your God and my God are not one in the same. And you are to do as I wish.” And that was the end of that. Jessica knew not to prod or ask more exploratory questions. That led to two responses: none of your business and none of your damn business.
     

     
    As Jessica immersed herself in the first week at Heritage, she made a conscious effort to say hi to more students. The effort to make friends was a great distraction from how she really felt on the inside—all knotted up. But no matter how much she psyched herself up, she felt self-conscious in front of Paul. In homeroom, she veered away from him, sitting as far away as she could. Her mind and body took over, almost preaching, “This one is out of your league. Stay away!” Mrs. Daley was always a warm presence, asking the students about their week and taking a genuine interest in them as people. Jessica could