Out of the Black Read Online Free PDF

here for her.”
    “I know you believe you are,” Dorothy said. “But is it true?”
    Once again, a rolling wave of anger sXst into wept through me, forcing its way to the surface. This time it hit with such force that there was no chance of keeping it inside.
    From that point on, the conversation turned bad.
    Eventually, I slammed the phone down and pushed away from the table. I walked to the window and looked out at Anna in the yard. She didn’t see me at first, but when she did, she waved and pointed to her snowman. It was a sad, brown thing, almost as tall as her, but the excitement on her face shone bright and broke inside me.
    Are you still having the nightmares?
    I turned away from the window and sat back at the table. There was a stack of unpaid bills on the counter. I grabbed them and started flipping through, one by one. My plan was to get my mind off my conversation with Dorothy, but of course it just made things worse.
    Are you still having the nightmares?
    I got up and paced the small kitchen, going over everything Dorothy had said. She’d been right about one thing. Anna did need special attention, and maybe I wasn’t in the best position to provide it for her, but that didn’t mean things wouldn’t get better. And there was one thing Dorothy was overlooking.
    Anna was my daughter.
    It was in her best interest to stay with me, not to be pawned off every time things got tough. If I hadn’t let her go after Beth died, when I didn’t know how I was going to make it through my days, then I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her go now.
    I reached for the attorney’s letter and went over it again. This time the anger faded as I read, replaced with absolute calm and one single thought: Anna and I had been through worse, a hell of a lot worse, and we’d survived.
    If Dorothy and Jerry thought I’d hand her over without a fight, they were in for a shock.
    Outside, Dash started barking, loud and urgent.
    I figured one of the alley cats had wandered into our yard, but then I heard Anna’s voice.
    “Daddy!”
    I dropped the letter on the table and crossed the kitchen to the window and looked out.
    There was a man in my yard.
    He was wearing a black snow cap and a dark blue peacoat. His back was to me, aD">I smile

8
    Jay sat at the kitchen table, and I handed him a cup of coffee. He held it with both hands and nodded toward the window. “She’s gotten big.”
    “That’s what they do.”
    “I guess so,” he said. “Still strange to see.”
    I sat across from him and watched him drink. It’d been a couple weeks since that night in the bar, and from the way he looked, I didn’t think he’d slept much since. His skin was gray, and his eyes were flat and rimmed heavy and dark. Looking at him was like looking at a skull.
    If I’d had any doubts about Jay using again, they were gone now.
    I watched him and waited for him to say something.
    I didn’t wait long.
    “You didn’t expect to see me?”
    “I didn’t think about it,” I said. “But I’m not all that surprised, either.”
    “Well, here I am.” He set the coffee cup on the table and leaned back. “Came to get your answer.”
    “My answer?” I shook my head. “Christ, Jay. Don’t start with that shit again.”
    “Now’s the time to act,” Jay said. “Roach told me the woman has her appointment this week.”
    “I already gave you my answer. Nothing’s changed.”
    Jay reached for his cup, frowned. “Don’t do that.”
    “Do what?”
    “Pretend like you’re above it all.” He took a sip and winced. “I mean, who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? I know you, Matt.”
    “You
knew
me,” I said. “People change.”
    “Let’s cut the bullshit. I know what happened to you, and I know all about your situation.”
    “You checked up on me?”
    “Something was different with you,” he said. “I knew about Beth, but I could tell there was more. Now I know.”
    “You don’t know anything.”
    Jay sat forward and ran