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plan,” he said. “ Trey and Alec have some of the Zetas out on the back deck. They’re playing beer pong, and there are Jell-O shots that one of the girls made. It’ll be much more fun than pining away after some chick that’s so far out of your league she’s in outer space.”
    I turned around and glared at him even though I knew he was right.
    “Fine,” I said, as I grabbed the remote and switched off the TV right as the camera panned to the audience and showed Sydney laughing at a joke the host had made that I hadn’t heard. She was falling into her boy band jerk, and he was laughing too. Tool.
    At that, I decided I’d had enough pain for one night and followed Jake outside. Maybe one of the Zetas could take my mind off of Syd for a least a while.

 
     
     
     
     
     
    Chapter Three
    Sydney
     
    “Syd,” my publicist Laurie said, pulling on my arm.
    I turned to face her, wondering if she’d called my name more than once. I’d been lost in thought, stirring my drink methodically as I watched the crowd at the party. People were getting drunk, but I couldn’t do that. I needed to keep up appearances. One or two drinks were socially acceptable, but more than that and I’d get talked to.
    “What’s up?”
    “Are you having a good time?”
    I shrugged. “Sure.”
    The high I’d gotten from performing and the buzz I’d carried throughout the night as they’d called my name and I’d gotten up on stage to accept two awards had worn off. In the moment it had been everything I’d imagined it would be, and even though they weren’t my first Grammys, the feeling that washed over me when I realized I’d won never faded. It was still as much of an emotional experience as the first time.
    That night I’d won Pop Album of the Year and Best Song from a Major Motion Picture for Only With You, the song I’d written for Shameless. It was an indie flick and writing a song for it had pulled me completely out of my comfort zone since my usual ballads and pop anthems wouldn’t have worked. I’d considered it a long shot that they’d even asked me to contribute to the soundtrack, but because I knew exactly what would work, I’d written something completely soulful just to show everyone that my range was wider than they’d ever thought.
    At the time , the song had been based on my friendship with Ryder, but now the more I thought about it, I knew it had been based on much deeper-rooted feelings that I’d probably had for him for a long time. I just hadn’t realized them then.
    I’d never told him I’d written the song about him, always fearing he’d think it was silly, although I knew he loved the song itself. Now if I told him it was about him he’d probably think it was just sad.
    Ryder. I sighed just thinking about him. We hadn’t talked in six weeks, not since I’d awkwardly left his parents’ house the morning after our perfect yet awful kiss, but I thought about him constantly.
    I missed him like crazy, and I wanted to call, but I was too embarrassed. I’d gone out on a limb when he’d kissed me, taking things further to see what might happen, and the look on his face when he’d pulled back – still so clear in my minds’ eye – tore me up on a regular basis. I wasn’t sure how we could go back to being friends after what had happened.
    He was obviously freaked out by the fact that I’d basically attacked him. Maybe he’d been venturing a safe ‘Let me see if there’s any way I might like girls by kissing my best friend’ kiss, and I’d completely taken things overboard and essentially scared him off. I didn’t want to be that girl. And the worst part was, being that girl had cost me the best friendship I’d ever had.
    It had been nice to let the feelings of loss that had been overpowering me lately fade away for a few hours, but now they were back. A lthough people had been congratulating me all night, and I was surrounded by people who supported me – my team, my band, other