On Love's Own Terms Read Online Free PDF Page A

fanning her skin.
    Luke traced the curve of her lower lip with his thumb. “I won’t rush you, even wanting you as much as I do.”
    She looked at him and knew he told the truth. It was her first glimpse of hope in seven years—and it scared her.
    “It’ll get worse before it gets better,” he warned.
    “Can you take it?” she challenged softly.
    He smiled, slow and sweet “Darling, the worst you’ve ever dished out is still the best I’ve ever had. I’ll take it in double portions any day of the week.”
    She blinked, dangerously close to tears again. After all these years, she’d become reconciled to living with her regrets and hiding her true feelings. It was a stifling existence, but safe. If she failed—
    “It’s your decision.” Luke bent and brushed her lips with his, then let her go. “Take the risk and rediscover the woman. Or settle for the safety of self-pity.”
    Floundering in a sudden rush of fear, Bonnie backed up one step. He expected too much of her! She started to tell him exactly that when the box she held began caving in at the middle. She was clutching it too tightly.
    “Let me help you.” He reached out to her.
    She stumbled up another step, retreating.
    “Damn.” He swore softly, but his tone was more threatening than thunder. “I’ve accepted the past and learned to live with it. You can, too, if you’ll only try.”
    She stopped, spellbound by his haunted, dark eyes.
    “Why, Luke?” she whispered. “Why?”
    “Because I still care.” His mouth slanted in a self-mocking smile. “Because even when I wake up with another woman in my bed, I wake up alone.” His gaze narrowed with a determination she recognized all too well. “Because you took half of my soul when you left, and I want it back.”
    His honesty nearly proved her undoing. They’d always been able to communicate physically. Time hadn’t changed that; but it had changed them. Could they really reach one another on a more mature level? Or was this another pipe dream, doomed to end in the same old nightmare?
    “Think about it, Bonnie,” he urged.
    “I’ll try, Luke.” It was the most she could promise at this point. Turning, she started upstairs. “If Darlene needs me for anything, I’ll be in my bedroom.”
    “Aren’t you coming downstairs again tonight?” he asked.
    “No; I’m exhausted.” She took the steps at a weary pace.
    “I’ll tell Darlene to do the dishes, then,” he volunteered.
    Should she say it? Bonnie paused, her foot poised on a riser. The temptation overwhelmed her, and she pivoted, smiling innocently. “Did you mean what you said earlier about wanting to help me?”
    “Name it and you’ve got it,” he answered earnestly.
    “You do the dishes,” she retorted. Bonnie spun and scampered up the stairs.
    Luke’s laughter followed her all the way.
    * * * *
    Oddly enough, silence woke her. The quiet here was almost palpable, a welcome respite from the round-the-clock street racket she’d become accustomed to as a resident of New York City.
    For a while, she lay motionless—renewing her acquaintance with the rural night and lulled by the bullfrog concert coming faintly from the creek bank. A blue-moon brilliance bathed the bedroom when Bonnie sat up and hugged her knees to her chest.
    Was Luke sleeping downstairs? He was too long for the “chastity couch,” as he’d always cursed it while courting her, so he’d probably made a pallet on the living room floor. She smiled, imagining him sprawled in slumber only twenty feet below, and wondered where he wandered in his dreams.
    A pang of sadness struck deep into her heart. If she hadn’t miscarried, their child would have favored Luke. She didn’t know why she felt so certain about that; she just did. The boy Luke had been scampered through her mind, his dark eyes flashing mischievously even as he slowed his pace to let her catch up and run with him. Only hours ago, he’d worn that same devilish smile which had enchanted her