research not going further than this projectâin fact, she swore me to secrecy, so of course I agreed, and of course Iâm even more interested in this family than I was before.
I agreed to collect egg cartons and gross compost materials for Rebeccaâs science project on seed growth, and to buy her a Slurpee sometime when a group of us go to the convenience store and it doesnât look like a date.
Subjects: Rebecca and her nonna (grandma in Italian)
Laboratory: Rebeccaâs house
Experiment: To save Rebecca from writing it all down, I borrowed Rebeccaâs familyâs video camera to film the interview Rebecca had with Nonna. So just remember that I had to listen to this twice , once live and once typing it out. All in the interests of scienceâ¦
Observations: I had to heavily edit this interview (***indicates where I stopped and started), because, man, Nonna can talk. And it seems like there are about four thousand living members of Rebeccaâs family, many of whom Nonna either viciously hates and/or never speaks to. I am unsure about her scientific objectivity.
REBECCA ( nervously, looking at the camera ). So, Nonna, thank you for agreeing to be interviewedâ¦
NONNA ( suspiciously ). Whoâs that? ( Points a finger at the camera. )
REBECCA . I told you, Nonna. J.J. and I are interviewing you for research.
NONNA ( with heavy sarcasm ). Oh yeah, right . Research . You think I was born yesterday? Becca, if you think at thirteen youâre going to have a boyfriend, you got another think coming! When I was thirteenâ¦
( Nonna calms down and breezes through several generations of her family at a confusing rate, jumping from era to era, using lots of hand gestures and flipping her suspiciously black hair. She throws in bits of rumor, gossip and history. Iâm not actually sure, but I think she mentions Napoleon. )
REBECCA ( determinedly trying to bring Nonna back to the relevant points ). So your mother and father were nice, kind peopleâ¦
NONNA . Angels, angels.
REBECCA . And Nonno ( looks at the camera )âmy grandpa, who died many years agoâ his fatherâ¦
NONNA . Was an angel. A wonderful man, Papa Silvio, so kind, so sweetâ¦
REBECCA . But Nonnoâs mother, Rosa, you say was maybe notâ
NONNA . A she-devil! Mama Rosaâ¦well, the rose smells sweet, but it has thorns! You make me speak this womanâs name? I remember the week before our weddingâ¦
REBECCA . So Nonnoâs brother, Sergio, was a jerk, and his two sisters, Marta and Sophia, were jerks. And all of their twelve children are jerks. Is that what youâre telling me? Seriously, Nonna?
NONNA ( with the satisfied air of somebody who has finally made her point ). Yes, yes. And their childrenâs children will be too, probably.
REBECCA ( sighing ). Okay, letâs move on to you and Nonno. You had three childrenâFrank, Isabella (my mom) and Tania.
NONNA . Angels, all of them angels. That thing with the police and Frankie? Garbage! Just garbage. The police made it up. Or they got the wrong guy. He was framed.
REBECCA ( uneasily ). Well, he did get convictedâ¦
NONNA ( aggressively ). Who you going to believe? Your Nonna or some big-shot stranger sitting behind a desk in a courtroom?
REBECCA ( her head resting on her hand ). I
know that Frankieâs kids are wild, and that Tania never visits and never calls. But Mom
says can you blame her? Anyway, Taniaâs kids are okay. Sherrie and Brianne?
Theyâre nice.
NONNA . What do I know those kids? I never see them. Neverâ¦
REBECCA ( quickly heading Nonna off from another rant ). But my mom and my dad are good peopleâ¦
NONNA . Your mother is an angel. Your dad? ( She shrugs. ) Heâs okay.
REBECCA . And they had four children. Me, Susannah, Conor and Brayden.
NONNA . Such a stupid name, Brayden! Like the sound a donkey makesâ¦
REBECCA . Anyway , itâs not his name thatâs the
Stephanie Laurens, Victoria Alexander, Rachel Gibson