unspeakably sad look on her face and said, âSanta isnât real.â When Benji tried to insist otherwise, the girl interrupted with solemn finality: âI googled it.â
Magicians are in the business of wonder, but the truth is,most illusions depend on unextraordinary items. Thread. A rubber band. Smoke and mirrors. People always talk about âmisdirection,â but in Benjiâs opinion, a more accurate way of describing what a magician does was just âdirection.â He directs your gaze toward the apparently impossible so he can steal your heart, and give it back to you, enlarged. And by doing that for you, he can do it to himself, too.
But only if you let him.
âWhat happened to him?â Benji asked as he and Ellie stopped in their chairs but Zeeko continued to sled.
âWho?â she replied.
âSpinney.â
âI would say he just ran the hell out of maybes ,â Ellie said. âLike, when youâre a kid, youâre just this adorable mass ofââ
âIâm still adorable,â Zeeko called, chair-zooming by.
âDonât I know it. Date me, stud.â
âSorry, dahling, my parents are strict: They donât want me to date until Iâm married,â Zeeko said as he glided away.
âAnyway,â she said, âkids are adorable little maybes : Maybe theyâll be president, or walk on Mars, or maybe theyâll cure cancer or write the great American novel or run a three-minute mile. But the older you get, honey, the fewer maybes you got. So you wake up one day, and hot damn, youâve used all yours up, and youâre not âa potential.â Youâre not what you might be. Youâre just what you are.â She shrugged. She might have been explaining gravity.
âWhat I like about you is, youâre always so positive,â Benji said.
Ellie smiled, playfully punching his shoulder, which didnât hurt at all. âJust a realist, my friend.â After a moment, the smile faded, replaced with an un-Ellie-like fear. âI shouldnât be so bitchy about him. Iâm probably worried Iâll end up like him,honestly. Iâm still working on that short film for my application to the film program at Northwestern. Iâve got some okay footage around town, but I canât get the narration written. The movieâs message leaves something to be desired. Specifically, a message, ha-ha.â
âIâm sure itâs awesome.â
âThatâs sweet. Thatâs very sweet. But no, itâs emphatically unawesome. I just have this feeling, like this emotion crushing my windpipe sometimes, that the things I want to do with my life are not going to happen for me, that Iâm going to be a cautionary tale instead of a success story. What if the people at Northwestern hate my stuff, you know? People say you should make what you love, but when you do and people reject it, theyâre saying that what you love is stupid, that your love itself is stupid. Just, ugh. Life is not supposed to be this complicated, Benji Lightman!â
Benji laughed. âI donât think it is that complicated, though,â he said. âI donât accept that Spinney did anything except give up. At some point, there had to be a moment when things could have gone either way for him, when he could have made whatever life he wanted. Like, your life might look like this huge, roving landscape, but only a handful of pinpoints actually matter . Iâve believed that since I was a kid. Spinney had to become the kind of person who deserved that life, though. Maybe the moment was that he could have chosen to work harder or just drop out. I donât know. It sucks for him that he didnât live up to that moment, but thatâs his own fault.â
Ellie thought about it a little. âDo you think everyone has one? A moment that changes everything?â she said.
âYeah.â
âEven you,