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course.
    I cannot even answer.
    I turn, go back to my room, get dressed, and leave for school. I don’t even say good morning to Mami and Papi.
    I’m still furious.
    And I’m starving.
    Study hall
    Where am I, Nbook?
    Did I take a wrong turn and end up in some parallel dimension where everyone looks exactly like the people I know but with defective personalities?
    I mean, Isabel the Witch Sister is bad enough. But now it’s the un-Brendan.
    Four days ago he’s fun and comfortable and funny. Just about perfect.
    Ever since Friday night — when I needed him the most — he’s a pod person. This is his range of reactions to me:
    I say hi and he gives me this funny look. I walk to classes with him and he hardly says a word.
    I think he’s still my friend. He doesn’t run away or yell at me. He doesn’t seem mad. But what is he thinking? Is he still feeling bad about Friday night? Does he hate me?
    What did I do?

    After school
    Waiting for Isabel …
    Am I nuts? Why do I obsess about him? I’M the one I should be obsessing about.
    Besides, what’s the point of getting involved with someone who’s about to leave for the whole summer?
    A Word from Your Sponsor
    Planning a surprise party? Want the world to know about it? Call 1-800-
    DUCKYISANIDIOT!!!!
    Yours foolishly,
    Ducky McCrae
    Sorry about that, Nbook. Don’t worry, we’re alone again. Isabel’s late.
    First, an explanation for above:
    Roll the time back, to sixth period today. Ducky’s late for gym (as usual, gossiping with Dawn and Sunny too long). He races through the hallway, but some Cro Mag knocks him down accidentally-on-purpose. His books spill all over the place.
    Sunny and Dawn rush over to help.
    Anyway, they both corner me right after science and tell me what happened. I tell them they should go ahead and have the cruise anyway.

    I tell them no, not yet. We say good-bye.
    But here’s the weird thing, Nbook. Here’s the thing that makes me think I am seriously disturbed.
    As I’m leaving, I’m starting to cry.
    I’m feeling jealous.
    Maybe it’s just my weird frame of mind. Maybe it’s because my relationships are falling apart all around me. Maybe it’s because those two make such a cute couple.
    I mean, they’re perfect together.
    SUNNY
    DUCKY
    tough
    good-natured
    insecure
    level-headed
    nice underneath it all
    nice above all
    fun to be with
    fun to be with
    dealing with mom’s death
    dealing with Alex’s suicide attempt
    OK, so what? Why feel jealous?
    Because they have what it takes, Nbook. Not Brendan and me.
    Because I’m thinking, maybe he finally woke up and saw how different we are.
    If you know what I mean …
    Oh, god. Listen to me.
    WHERE IS ISABEL?

4:32
    In the car now. Going home. How was shopping?
    Can.
    Barely.
    Hold.
    My.
    Pen.
    Wednesday, 6/9
    Lunch
    Foul mood.
    Nothing good to say.
    Nothing to say at all.
    6:11 P.M.
    MAGGIE BLUME IS HISTORY.
    I give her the benefit of the doubt. I help her. I take her seriously through all her problems.
    What does she do for me? Who does she think I am?
    Chill, Amalia. Slow down.
    OK, Nbook, you want to know what happened? Here’s what happened.

    We’re in Maggie’s room, studying. The Great and Powerful Hayden Blume is actually home.
    Well, sort of. His ear is grafted to a cell phone, so he’s running around the house, giving orders to people who aren’t there.
    Next thing you know, he’s knocking on Maggie’s door.
    He peeks in. Just wants to say hi. And then …

    Those are just about the last words we say to each other, Nbook. And as far as I’m con 9:31 P.M.
    Oh, Nbook.
    My head is reeling.
    I think I am losing it.
    Maybe I did lose it already.
    First of all, about the last entry — it was Isabel who rudely interrupted us …

    What she went through?
    She never went through anything, I’m thinking.
    At least she never told me.
    So I ask her what’s the matter.
    “Remember my birthday party last year in San Diego?” she says.
    How can I forget? She and her friends