November Read Online Free PDF Page A

“self-assessment,” but by the needs of the Great Hidden Scheme. And I’ll be found to have served my purpose. (
Pause
) What is immortality?
    ARCHER: It is the ability to live forever.
    CHARLES: Indeed it is. But
my
legacy. Will die on Tuesday, when that wanker gets elected.
    ARCHER: I know. It’s wrong.
    CHARLES: A harsh world, Bernstein, is it not …?
    BERNSTEIN: (
Waking up
) Sir …
    CHARLES: Harsh world. Especially for
you
.
    BERNSTEIN: For me?
    CHARLES: As you are a lesbian.
    BERNSTEIN: In essence, yes.
    CHARLES: Thus, your day, must abound with constant horrendous disappointments, insults and betrayals.
    BERNSTEIN: I endeavor, Sir, to live my life with self-respect.
    CHARLES: That’s laudable, Bernstein. It’s more than laudable, it’s saintly.
    BERNSTEIN: Thank you, Sir.
    CHARLES: In spite of your loathsome, and abominable practices. For, Bernstein, you have been a good friend to me.
    BERNSTEIN: Thank you, Sir.
    CHARLES: A good friend to a failure. Yes. A man, who looks back. On his life. What does he see? But missteps, squandered opportunities, betrayal … loss.
    BERNSTEIN: I’m sorry for your troubles, Sir.
    (
She sneezes
.)
    CHARLES:  … to this man … gesundheit.
    BERNSTEIN: Thank you.
    CHARLES:  … everything is wrong. Go home. The Good and the Bad:
    BERNSTEIN: I’ll come in tomorrow, Sir, with your concession speech.
    CHARLES:  … all wrong.
    BERNSTEIN: (
Gathering up her things
) God bless you, Sir.
    CHARLES: Restraint and effort …
    ARCHER:  … mmm-hmm …
    CHARLES: Right and Left. War and Peace.
    BERNSTEIN: Bye-bye.
    CHARLES: Sin and Redemption … All wrong.
    ARCHER: Point to one thing which is not wrong.
    (
Pause
.)
    BERNSTEIN: I’ll see you tomorrow, Sir.
    CHARLES: What if Thanksgiving is wrong?
    ARCHER: I don’t get it.
    CHARLES: Thanksgiving is wrong.
    ARCHER: Why?
    CHARLES:
Bernstein
.
    BERNSTEIN: (
Exiting, she turns back
) Sir.
    CHARLES: Thanksgiving is wrong.
    BERNSTEIN: I don’t understand.
    CHARLES: We, we had “slavery” for years.
    BERNSTEIN: Yes.
    CHARLES: That was wrong … We had, I’m sure there are other instances … uh, “disco”… things that we did in our ignorance, Bernstein. But, what makes this country great?
    BERNSTEIN: Sir?
    CHARLES: We Have the Power to Correct Ourselves …
    BERNSTEIN: “Thanksgiving is wrong …”
    CHARLES: Off the top of your head.
    BERNSTEIN:
Thanksgiving
.
    CHARLES: Yes.
    BERNSTEIN: Is a Eurocentric holiday, uh, which …
    CHARLES: Wrongs, Bernstein …
    BERNSTEIN:  … yes …?
    CHARLES: Have
victims
.
    BERNSTEIN: Sir, that is true—
    CHARLES: Who are the victims of Thanksgiving, Bernstein?
    BERNSTEIN:  … are they the turkeys, Sir?
    CHARLES: They are the turkeys. Write me that speech. Archer:
    ARCHER: Sir?
    CHARLES: Do I have the power to pardon turkeys?
    ARCHER: Mister President, you do.
    CHARLES: Tell them I want two hundred million dollars in cash, on my desk by breakfast, or I’m going to pardon
Every Fucken Turkey In This Country
.

ACT TWO

     
    The men in shirtsleeves. Bernstein at a typewriter—typing paper all around her
.
    ARCHER: (
Checking his notes
) We can’t build the fence to keep out the illegal immigrants.
    CHARLES: Why not?
    ARCHER: You need the illegal immigrants to build the fence.
    CHARLES: It’s always something.
    ARCHER: And you can’t pardon all the turkeys.
    CHARLES: I can pardon whoever I like. Clinton proved that.
    ARCHER: That is, you can “pardon” all the turkeys but, the people will still eat them.
    CHARLES: Not after Bernstein’s speech.
    BERNSTEIN: When I’ve finished my speech, may I go home?
    CHARLES: Why is Thanksgiving wrong?
    BERNSTEIN: Because it celebrates …
    CHARLES: Yes.
    BERNSTEIN: Patriarchy.
    CHARLES: Okay.
    BERNSTEIN: Exploitation of indigenous …
    CHARLES:  … I’m listening.
    BERNSTEIN:  … peoples, and conspicuous consumption.
    CHARLES: Uh-huh …
    BERNSTEIN: Combined under the auspices of a seemingly nongovernmental holiday which