November Read Online Free PDF

is, in essence, a hymn to the power of the state.
    (
Pause
.)
    CHARLES: Yeah, no, you have to start again.
    BERNSTEIN: Why?
    CHARLES: Lookit … (
Pause
) You want to rile people up, you’ve got to give them something to like better than the things they like, OR something to HATE better than the things they like … You can tell them a good IDEA, but, that only works, if it lets them DO something, which, they couldn’t, course of events, do. Like Free Love or kill the Jews. (
Pause
) That’s what we’re aiming for. Throw in some sex for God’s sake.
    BERNSTEIN: Oh. (
Pause
) All right, Thanksgiving was not, originally, a holiday of thanks, or harvest, but a historic day of orgy. When the Native Americans cast off all shackles of …
    CHARLES: Uh-huh.
    BERNSTEIN: Sexual restraint.
    CHARLES: Well, now you’re talking.
    BERNSTEIN: And cavorted, naked …
    CHARLES:  … I love it already …
    BERNSTEIN:  … making the woods ring with their savage, orgiastic cries …
    CHARLES:  … Good …
    BERNSTEIN:  … while the blessed feast cooled on the table. (
Pause
) Now may I go home …?
    CHARLES: So all this bullshit about the Indians and turkeys was, in essence, code for the, uh, race-mixing …
    BERNSTEIN:  … yes.
    CHARLES:  … polysexual abandon which …
    BERNSTEIN: Sure …
    CHARLES: The quote quote Pilgrims …
    BERNSTEIN: (
Sneezes
) I need to go home, Sir.
    CHARLES: Yeah, yeah, you’re going home.
    BERNSTEIN: I need to see my baby.
    CHARLES: Almost there … proved by a set of documents, discovered JUST THIS MORNING by Navy Seals, diving off Plymouth Rock, in the wreck of a 1642, uh uh …
    ARCHER:  … excursion boat.
    CHARLES: In the handwriting of a nondenominational minister …
    ARCHER: Good.
    CHARLES:  … in which he CONFESSES, that Thanksgiving was a day of orgy, and that those who celebrate itare damned … screw with me, will ya …? All right, bring in the turkey guy.
    (
The
TURKEY GUY
enters
.)
    TURKEY GUY: Mr. President.
    CHARLES: Hi. How you been keeping?
    TURKEY GUY: I…
    CHARLES: Where’ve they got you, out on the couch? Good. You have some time to think it over?
    TURKEY GUY: Sir, I regret my intemperate and disrespectful words this morning …
    CHARLES: These things happen.
    TURKEY GUY: And I would like to raise my offer to three hundred thousand dollars.
    CHARLES: You remember my speechwriter?
    TURKEY GUY:  … along with my
profound
apology.
    CHARLES: Hey, you called me one, I called you one.
    TURKEY GUY: Most gracious, Sir.
    CHARLES: Hey, look.
    (
They shake hands
.)
    TURKEY GUY: The turkeys need to smell your hand. And then I must return them to their climate-controlled transport.
    CHARLES: That’s what YOU want, what do
I
want?
    TURKEY GUY: Social justice?
    CHARLES: That would be swell, but what I, in my heart desire is two hundred million dollars. (
Pause
) Or I’m going on TV and pardon all the turkeys in the world.
    TURKEY GUY: I…
    CHARLES: You know why? Thanksgiving is wrong. Hit it.
    BERNSTEIN: It’s a confected celebration of the evils of oppression …
    TURKEY GUY: I…
    CHARLES: Thanksgiving is wrong.
    TURKEY GUY: The American people will never
never
buy it.
    CHARLES: You hear the speech, then
you
tell me … Now hit the bricks, and bring me something green and wrinkled.
    (
The
TURKEY GUY
exits
.)
    ARCHER: But will the American people actually give up Thanksgiving?
    CHARLES: Bernstein?
    BERNSTEIN: Things change.
    ( BERNSTEIN
hands him a piece of the speech and keeps typing
.)
    CHARLES: (
Reads
) “Our ideas change. Things change. Time passes. We age, and see things, in a new light, a low winter light, which points the way toward spring.” Yeah … you’re what I love about this country.
    BERNSTEIN: I am Sir?
    CHARLES: You bet. I know what you would like, is to take over the government of the United States by force, promoting your vision of a godless, stateless paradise of homosexuality … is that correct …?
    BERNSTEIN: