NOT What I Was Expecting Read Online Free PDF

love Barney.  The guy’s a kick, but he’s
like 143 years old, isn’t he?  Are you telling me has more than one hottie
admirer after him?  Sweet.”
    “Uh, I don’t think
they would be considered hotties unless they still have hot flashes,” Great
Voice Guy pointed out.  “These women are in their 70's and 80's.  Barney’s 83,
but tells everyone he’s only 71.  And whatever you do, Fry, please don’t tell
him you thought he was 143 years old.  He doesn’t even weigh 143.  Maybe
soaking wet but .  . . ”
    “Women chasing you
in the home stretch of this big race we call life,” marveled Fry.  “Dude,
that’s a reason to live long and prosper.  He’s livin’ the dream, man.”
    “Okay, he’s a
stud.  Now can I tell you what happened yesterday?”  In spite of his words, the
tone used by Great Voice Guy made it obvious he knew Fry relatively well, and
was a calm, patient person who was very warm and wonderful, with a great
respect for women, children, and animals.  The fact that he had an incredibly
sexy voice had not influenced my opinion at all.
    “Sure, sorry man,”
Fry apologized.  “I got sidetracked imagining my future love life – it’s got to
be better than the here and now.  Go.  I’m with you now.”
    “So he came home
all upset,” Great Voice Guy began.  “Well, you saw him the other day when he
was talking about how he met with his accountant Andy Griffith in Mayberry. 
Yesterday afternoon was worse.  I don’t know if he mentioned it to you last
night, but you should have seen him at lunch.  He came in so upset I could
barely understand him.  I gave him some coffee – decaf – which seemed to help
him calm down enough to tell me what happened.  This time it was the
Cartwrights from Bonanza at a lady friend’s house.  I asked him where he’d
been, and what was this lady friend’s name?  He said he went over to Monday’s
house, because it was Monday.  His special ladies each have their own
designated day of the week to feed him whatever they baked and coffee.  He went
to her house at the usual time and rang the doorbell, but nobody answered.  He
thought something must have come up, or she forgot to tell him she wouldn’t be
home, so no big deal and he started to leave.  Then he said he decided to check
her kitchen door in the back, just to make sure she didn’t have the TV turned
up and didn’t hear the doorbell.  When he got to the patio, he saw her through
the kitchen window sitting at the table with the Bonanza guys.  He said Hoss
was eating the cake she supposedly baked for Uncle Barney.  Once he was calm
and going into more detail, he explained that he saw only two of the Bonanza brothers,
Hoss and Little Joe, because the other Bonanza guys weren’t there.  He knew she
didn’t answer the door because they were having his coffee and his cake at his
usual time, so he was upset.  He said he didn’t even knock on the back door –
he just turned around and left. 
    “He’s getting more
stressed about any deviation from his routine as he has more periods of
confusion,” Great Voice Guy continued.  “I’m thinking Ms. Monday just forgot,
so it shouldn’t have been a big deal.  His reaction has me worried about
letting him continue to go out on his own.  I mean, he doesn’t drive, and
everyone in the neighborhood knows him, so going down the street and the few
blocks over that he walks has been working.  I don’t want him to feel he’s
losing even more of his independence, but I have to think of his safety.”
    “Man, why didn’t
Uncle B just knock on the door and see what was what?” Fry asked.  “I guess I
would have been upset if I saw Hoss and Little Joe in ma-lady’s kitchen.  I
mean, I would have been all ‘Hey dudes, where’s your Pa?’  You know I love that
show, but Ben Cartwright is my favorite.  I’ve got the DVD box set.  But why
didn’t he just knock and inquire if Pa Ben would be joining them