The Israel Bond Omnibus Read Online Free PDF Page A

Duh.”); Pregnant Peggy Prendergast ... just anybody who’s anybody on the teen scene ... they’ll all be there at your school next Tuesday at 4:30 p.m . to lip-synch their big, big hits and mark their X’s in your autograph book. Now, that sensational group from England, Tarry Stool and the Bedpans, to sing:
     
    Saturday night at the senior prom,
    I went and blew the gym up with a homemade atom bomb,
    ‘Cause I’m a teenage bomber! Yea, yea, yea!
    I’m a —
     
    Still hungry for the sound of a human voice, Bond changed stations. “Once again, it’s time for ‘Your Tum-Tum-Tummy and You,’ with yours truly, Dr. Charlton Carter, your nutritionist of the airwaves, with today’s topic, ‘Can a Severe Heart Attack Be Beneficial in Easing Tension?’—but first a word from my sponsor, Otto’s Organic Foods, a combination of nature’s own whole grain okra flour with genuine crushed Indiana limestone.”

    Still hungry, etc., his tapering fingers dialed again.
    “... with the snarlup caused by the accident at the FDR Drive near the Tri-Boro Bridge exit, motorists are advised to avoid that area. In general, if you’re coming into New York, I’d say use a canoe. This is Mark Russell, your flying traffic reporter in the WDULL helicopter, speaking to you from FDR Drive where we caused the snarlup when our chopper crash-landed ...”
    And another try.
    “The signal you heard was a Civil Defense test. I repeat—a test. If this had been an actual alert, right now I’d be hysterical. Stay tuned ...”
    A final flick of the dial.
    “... the elderly Israeli philanthropist, seemingly unnerved by his brush with death at the Kahn-Tiki Hotel (Bond froze; his hands were clammy against the wheel.), vowed he would continue his attempts on behalf of Israel, his adopted homeland. Said Loxfinger: ‘This cowardly attempt at assassination will only spur anew my efforts to seek a final solution for Israel in her relationships with her Arab neighbors.’
    “The philanthropist then shrugged off his frightening experience and plunged into a full round of speeches and appearances at the Catskill area hotel. Meanwhile, the suspect in the shooting, who Police Chief Ed Chelland said was driving a 1963 blue Cadillac convertible, was possibly headed toward New York City. State troopers were patrolling the Quickway, hoping for an early arrest. And that’s the latest on the attempt to murder Lazarus Loxfinger, Israel’s old man with a heart as big as his fortune. CBS will interrupt its regular programming should further developments warrant it. Remember, when the big news breaks, CBS cracks up! This is John Cameron Facenda returning you to the program now in progress, ‘Sue Stark, Girl Junkie,’ which asks the question: Can a beautiful heiress from Philadelphia’s Mainline find happiness as a mainliner? Yesterday, if you’ll recall, Sue and her bohemian lover, Paul Gray, an itinerant kumquat salesman, had just copped three bags of heroin from Harry (The Horse) Botoff and ...”
    Two streams of Raleigh smoke jetted through his nostrils. Bond switched off the radio.
    At least, Loxfinger was alive. Alive!

    And if it hadn’t been for my damned conceit I might have been in Loch Sheldrake thirty minutes ago. A Rocket Olds 98 would have gotten me there in time to stop this hideous thing. But I had to rent this Rambler. You know why, Bond. Because it has a bed in the back. You’d hoped for a little hanky-panky on the road, hadn’t you? The whole fantasy had run through your mind a hundred times ... a car broken down, some high-breasted young thing with chopped liver-brown eyes imploring you to help her: “It got overheated, sir. You’ll take me to Grossinger’s in your car? Oh, bless you, sir! I could just kiss you.” ... which she would, their tongues tangoing sensually against each other’s gold fillings, sharing deep swigs from Bond’s flask of heady, potent, aphrodisiacal Gallo Wine ... then thighs thrashing thighs ...
    (Bond