Never Sit Down in a Hoopskirt and Other Things I Learned in Southern Belle Hell Read Online Free PDF Page B

Walter fished the results out of his jacket. “In all the excitement, I neglected to announce the alternate.”
    Ashley grabbed Katherine’s and Courtney’s hands. “Good call, Mal.”
    Mallory squeezed Katherine’s and Courtney’s other hands, forming one big circle of hope and expectation. “I’m sure one of y’all got it.”
    I have to admit, even I was curious to know who would be the sixth victim. Uh, Maid.
    â€œAnd the alternate, who will fulfill all Magnolia Court duties in the event that a Maid cannot, is… Miss Caroline Jeannette Upton.”
    â€œCaroline Upton?”
    â€œCaroline Plumpton?” Ashley blurted it out before she could stop herself. Rule number 8 was officially out the window.
    Everyone turned to Caroline, so quiet in the wings that no one had paid her one bit of attention. Now she was the center of it, to her obvious horror. Hives were rapidly breaking out all over her chest and face. “No, no. Not me. I’m sure this is a mistake.”
    Walter smiled gently. “No, it says it right here, Caroline. Welcome to the Court.”
    â€œBut I don’t want… I mean, uh, it can go to one of the other girls. I am happy for someone else to do it.”
    I mock-dropped my jaw. “Are you kidding me? We get to roll around the country all decked out in our Scarlett O’Hara dresses telling people how wonderfully modern our little old town is. This is an honor!”
    â€œIt sooooooooo is!” Suddenly, out of nowhere, a fully recovered Brandi Lyn rocketed into our midst, enveloping Ashley and Mallory in a giant hug. “Hello, Magnolia Maid sisters! Oh my goodness, can y’all believe it? I’m going out of my mind with joy, aren’t you? I am so sorry about fainting! I usually have great stage presence, everybody says so, but I was just so excited, it undid me. I won’t let it happen again, though, don’t worry. Isn’t this exciting! We are going to have the greatest year ever, aren’t we just?!”
    Silence.
    I surveyed the scene—Mallory distressed and fearful that her long-longed-for dress was going to get taken away, Caroline insulted to her face and terrified at being seen in public, Brandi Lyn and Zara insulted behind their backs. And the grand cause of these problems, the very reason for their existence?
    A very furious, very determined-to-have-her-own-way D-Girl by the name of Mary Ashley LaFleur.
    Sweet Winds of Change! It was at that moment I understood why I had been selected to the Magnolia Court.
    I had a higher purpose. A calling, if you will.
    If I knew Ashley LaFleur, and I was pretty sure I did, she was not going to stop until she had complete control of the entire organization. And I may not have had anything in common with my new Magnolia Maid sister, but if I had to be part of this Court, then I was going to fight Ashley’s power with every ounce of mine and then some. I felt compelled to create just a little truth, justice, and beauty for the four girls standing miserably before me. It was the right thing to do.
    I beamed a smile brighter than Christmas at Brandi Lyn, threw my arms around her, and tossed my hat into the fires of Southern Belle Hell. “Why, yes, Brandi Lyn. This year’s going to be simply divine.”

Chapter Three
    Fifteen floors above the city, in a building on the edge of the Bienville Bay, the highly exclusive Petroleum Club boasts an impressive 360-degree view all the way down to the Gulf of Mexico. Its membership consists of the executives who run the local oil industry. Grandmother was a lifelong member because of her father and her husband, my grandfather, both big oilmen back in the days before the oil spill ruined everything and people started cursing the very resource that had made them rich. The club’s wine cellar rivals the best in New York City. Their steaks sizzle as the waiters bring them to the table. On any given weekend