A Free Man of Color Read Online Free PDF Page A

of the Louisiana Territory.
    JOSEPHINE ( whispering )Not Louisiana! The Indies! I want my muslins washed!
    TALLYRAND ( whispering )Believe me, you want Louisiana.
    JOSEPHINE ( whispering )Whom do you listen to? Talleyrand or me?
    NAPOLEON ( whispering )I’m trying to take a bath.
    JOSEPHINE ( whispering )Your itch. Always your itch!
    NAPOLEON Get Louisiana! Let me take my fucking bath.
    Napoleon exits.
    JOSEPHINE Don’t take Louisiana! Are you insane! Money! Get money!
    Josephine follows.
    CARLOS CURATO But France gave Louisiana to us thirty-seven years ago.
    TALLYRAND We apologize for foisting it off on you. A colony is like having a spoiled Infanta for a child.
    INFANTA Don’t let him talk like that to me!
    TALLYRAND Present Infantas excluded.
    CARLOS CUARTO America is a nuisance. I don’t even believe these tales of volcanoes that spew gold.
    TALLYRAND You’ve dissuaded me. We don’t want Louisiana. Goodbye.
    INFANTA No! I’ll kill myself and then I’ll die and you’ll be sorry.
    She gorges her mouth with grapes and chokes. Carlos Cuarto performs Heimlich.
    CARLOS CUARTO ( to Talleyrand ) Carissima! You want Louisiana? Take Louisiana. New Orleans is no Havana.
    TALLYRAND Oh, all right. Sign this treaty.
    Talleyrand produces a paper. Carlos Cuarto signs. The Infanta smiles.
    TALLEYRAND ( bowing to the Infanta )The Queen of Etruria. And let us keep this treaty a secret until Napoleon is safely across the Atlantic and in view of New Orleans.
    They go.
    DR. T ( to us )You now know more than the majority of people in this play.
    Jacques Cornet takes out a key and enters Doña Smeralda’s bedroom. He lies on her bed. Jacques Cornet whistles an elaborate whistle. Think of a nightingale in heat. Doña Smeralda stands.
    CREUX Had their revolutions, but done them in secret!
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( beaming with joy )I don’t feel well!
    MORALES Bayou fever?
    DOÑA SMERALDA A definite fever.
    She goes into the bedroom and embraces Jacques Cornet.
    PINCEPOUSSE What bird makes that call?
    MORALES It’s odd. I hear it all the time.
    Jacques Cornet begins undressing her, then himself.
    JACQUES CORNET Have they found the cipher breaker?
    DOÑA SMERALDA Haven’t you come to see me?
    JACQUES CORNET Only you .
    PINCEPOUSSE Look in there!
    MORALES The door is locked! Dearest, may I come in?
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( calling )No, adored one! I don’t want you catching what I have.
    DOÑA POLISSENA ( knocking )Is it yellow fever?
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( calling )It’s a fever of a different color.
    Jacques Cornet embraces her.
    MORALES ( calls )Dearest Orgasm of My Eyeballs, could my Imperial code breaker be in our temple of joy?
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( calling )What does it look like?
    MORALES A long black tube with a red ribbon on it.
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( calling )It sounds familiar. I’ll keep my eyes open.
    MORALES Will you be well enough to go to Senor Coquet’s ball?
    DOÑA POLISSENA ( calling )Say you will go! I yearn to dance. Ba-doum!
    CREUX No African dancing!
    MORALES Shall I call Docteur Toubib?
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( calling )I know exactly what he’ll say. Stay in bed till tomorrow.
    JACQUES CORNET ( to us )A seduction doesn’t count unless it’s taking place under the husband’s nose.
    MORALES The poor thing relies on me for everything.
    JACQUES CORNET Where is the cipher breaker?
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( whisper )What is this cipher? I am a code who needs to be broken.
    JACQUES CORNET Of course. ( He turns down the lamp. ) ( to us ) Let me solve this puzzle first. ( He dims the bedroom light. )
    DOÑA SMERALDA ( orgasmic )Yes! Yes! Yes!
    MORALES Hear it in her voice? She’s getting better.
    Enter Margery Jolicoeur.
    MARGERY Where are the best fields to walk in New Orleans?
    CREUX ( lunging at her )Get thee behind me, Negress!
    MORALES She is our house guest!
    CREUX In which house?
    MORALES In this house.
    CREUX ( to Margery )I know what you’re up to.
    MARGERY I just want to take a walk.
    PINCEPOUSSE Margery! Get upstairs!
    MARGERY I just want to