Never Sit Down in a Hoopskirt and Other Things I Learned in Southern Belle Hell Read Online Free PDF

history, at least not yet, I was pretty sure her being a Maid was a first for Bienville’s most beloved yet conservative tradition.
    The minions inhaled sharply.
    Walter Murray Hill’s right eye started twitching.
    For Ashley had just broken a cardinal rule of Southern belle-dom:
8.
DO NOT acknowledge uncomfortable subjects in public.
    And while Ashley hadn’t actually brought up a subject that was going to make some people feel awkward, she had been about to bring it up. Which was close enough.
    And now that she had put it out there, she was in Southern-girl purgatory because she couldn’t take it back.
    Ashley backpedaled so hard she nearly crashed through the wall, especially since Zara, maybe sensing she was the subject of our discussion, now headed in our direction. “Well, well, now, I… ummmm…” Ashley stammered.
    Walter cleared his throat nervously. “Now, girls, let’s not turn this into something it’s uh, not.”
    Ashley grew ten inches with blustery indignation. “Certainly not. This is far from something it’s not. And I am far from a, a, a… some of my closest friends are black!”
    Mallory frowned in confusion. “Really?”
    This whole conversation was starting to make my blood boil. Moments like this made me not even want to admit I was from a small town in the Deep, Deep South.
    Ashley glared at her. Then she fluttered a smile in Uncle Walter’s direction. “Anyway, Uncle Walter, if y’all would be so kind as to let me finish what I was saying, I was merely going to point out that Zara is not from here, either.”
    â€œIt’s true. I’m not,” Zara admitted, joining the group.
    â€œSee! What a terrible time you’re going to have catching up on all our decades of rich history! I just feel for you!”
    â€œMy parents are from here, though. Jay and Felicia Alexander? So I’ve visited here every summer of my life.”
    I stopped in my tracks. “Wait, your last name is Alexander?”
    Zara nodded, and Mallory went into pre-flip-out mode. “As in Alexander Communications? As in one of the biggest satellite cable corporations in the country?” Zara nodded again, and Mallory surged fully into flip-out mode. “Oh my God, Ashley, her daddy is my daddy’s newest client! They just moved here! They are, like, the richest people ever to live in Bienville!”
    Walter nodded proudly. “And they’ve just honored Bienville by moving their national headquarters here. Opening up a lot of jobs for us, okay!”
    This was so not going Ashley’s way and, well, she finally lost it. Gone was any attempt to play the good little Southern belle. “That’s just great, Uncle Walter, but this is a travesty! This is not the Court I expected it to be, and if you do not see that Katherine and Courtney get put on immediately, I am afraid Mallory and I will have to resign.” She nudged Mallory in the ribs.
    Mallory blanched. “And give up the dress? Ashley!!!!! I’ve been waiting for this forever….” Mallory trailed off as she felt the bloody daggers Ashley was aiming at her. “Okay, I suppose it’s not what I signed up for, either, Mr. Walter.”
    Mr. Walter shook his head. “I’m sorry to hear that, girls. It’s a real disappointment, what with your families’ legacies with the Maids and all. Do me a favor and put it in writing, so we can go about selecting alternates as soon as possible.” He gave a little bow and walked off.
    Ashley nearly keeled over in shock. “But, but…”
    Mallory, however, seemed to have finally found her own tongue. “No, no, we misspoke! We didn’t mean it. We’re not quitting!” She frantically called after Mr. Walter. “Anyway, you didn’t say the name of the alternate! Maybe Courtney or Katherine made alternate!”
    â€œOh, you’re right there, Mallory.”