Never Say Goodbye Read Online Free PDF Page A

I find you here like this, attacked, and it’s my fault. It kills me. I’m going to be brutally honest, Ella." He sighs and closes his eyes. Reopening them, he continues. "There is this attraction I feel with you. I never felt it before, but now it follows me everywhere. It won't move on. Since we kissed the other day, my mind hasn’t escaped you. It scares me, Ella.”
     “I scare you?” I whisper.
     “No, quite the opposite.” He lets out a loud sigh. The tension has dramatically increased in the car. The windows have steamed up from our body heat. I decide to write on the one closest to me.
    Love is a quest and you’re not my ending.
    I unlock the door and step out into the open; the cold air fills my lungs.
     “Ella, what are you doing?”
     “Staying away from you.” I slam the door. I know I’m going to get a reaction, and I think I like that feeling. As if on cue, he steps out and walks around to where I’m stood.  I turn to look at him and all I can see is his outline. What a fine outline he is.
     “You don’t know me, Luke. My heart has a thousand secrets all hidden away just for me. Why jeopardize my feelings and create a world of emotion that I can't contradict? Why break my heart before it’s even fully yours to break?” I move and rest my back against the cool metal of the car door and slide down to the soft grass below. I feel Luke copy my motions. He sits next to me, our arms touching. He picks up my hand and kisses each knuckle individually.
     “I wish this could work, Ella, but I don’t know how.” He puts his arm around me and I shuffle so I can rest my head on his shoulder.
     “Life is a mystery as you say, maybe love is too. I’m not the girl for you, Luke. I mean, I have problems okay, so many. I can’t get you involved in my life, just as you don’t want me in yours. I don’t even know if I’ve made it into college. Well, the one I want. I got into UCLA to study, but it’s so far away. I got into their extension writers' program. They only accept just over 400 students per year, so I’m lucky I guess. Something in my life has finally gone my way. I just don’t think I’ll do very well.”
     “You will, Ella.” He said very matter of factly.
     “You barely know me, Luke.” I mutter too quietly.
     “I know you better than you think.” I raise my head to look at him, even though I can see nothing.
     “Luke, I’m a very private person. My life is sealed off from everyone apart from my sister. Even Jade doesn’t know me that well. My life is a lie, Luke. Everything is a lie. I have a voice that just sits there, and at inappropriate times, tells me I’m worthless. That I’m pointless, and that never goes away, it never leaves me.” I let out a sigh and softly shake my head.
 
    Ella you need to talk to him. Talk to someone.

“Luke - I have baggage, so I’m not right for you. You have money, a stunning girlfriend, and an expensive car. You get invited everywhere. All the local parties and pep rallies. In the last year, I’ve only been invited to the writer's lunch and that was insistent. I don’t have a typical fun high school life. I’m boring, and you’re fun, and exciting, and handsome.”
     “That’s what you assume, but it’s not the truth. Truth is, is that I’m just as scared as you. Just as worried. Frightened in fact. Life is scary, Ella, I have problems too, you’re not the only one.”
     “Don’t judge me, Luke!” I snap.
     “Like you didn’t judge me just a minute ago.” He mutters under his breath.
     “I don’t need this, I don't need you, I’m going.” I go to get up and he grabs me and pulls me onto his lap so that I’m astride him. I let out a scream and it turns into a giggle.
     “Kiss me,” he whispers.
     “No.” I whisper back and bend myself, so that I’m next to his ear. I inhale his